2006

I must say that this year was a full one. So many wonderful things happened, like my nephew being born. God fufilled some amazing promises in Tehillah and in the lives of the people I love. I watched two of my closest friends get married, one of which I got the opportunity to type up her and her husband's vows for their wedding back in August, doing that was very special.

God brought a mighty mentor and apostle into my life that helped me through one of the toughest times of my life by simply telling me to "have joy no matter what" and giving me a hug. Who ever thought that a few words and a hug would be what I needed to find the strength to step into the new person God is creating me to be?

I've gained new friends and established stronger bonds with the longer standing ones. I've allowed my closest friends to see my weaknesses, to watch me cry, to not only see me when I was at my highest point, but when I was the most broken. Oddly enough, I learned this year that it's ok to be open and honest, not hiding the less admirable from those who love me most. I was always afraid to do that before.

I've learned to not fear the prophetic. I no longer find myself seeking for more of the prophetic in that idea and its form. I'm truly after God. Now, He just comes and speaks and I listen. It's amazing and shakes me every time. I have hopes and dreams like anyone else, but I find true fulfillment when I follow after God's leading. I dream of going to the nations, living my life with one purpose, to really KNOW God. I read the stories of Moses, David, Noah, Enoch, Adam and Eve, and the great men and women who knew God and instead of envying them I feel a deep burning in my spirit to KNOW Him. If I should pass away some day before Jesus comes, I want people who knew me to say I was a woman who KNEW God.

The Stillness

It's a Saturday night and it's just me and my five month old nephew. He's alseep and I can hear the fireplace crackling in the quiet house. It's nice. I enjoy these moments of peace.

My Favorite People

This semester has come to a close. It was actually a very rewarding one. I learned a ton in my financial accounting class. I met some really great people, one of them of whom I am still going to keep in touch with. My accounting professor is a Christian and so I hope to keep her as a mentor/advisor in the next years, because she is an excellent accountant and is working towards her masters. I will never forget her because she was the only teacher in my entire life who ever told me that I was smart. Funny, right?!


My sister, niece, and nephew are coming this week for the Christmas holiday. I'm so excited! I haven't seen my nephew in months. I enjoy it when my entire family gets to be together for Christmas and this year it will be perfect having everyone home. I bought my Dad's gift today. For some reason, he's my favorite to shop for. I went to Dick's sporting goods and spent a half hour trying to decide what he'd really want out of everything. That store is really great.


I've come up with some really great ideas for my Junior Highers' this next year. I think 2007 is going to be a truly rewarding year. I'm so excited to see what God will do. I'm feeling led to teach the "Foundations of Faith" again since I haven't taught that since 2005. I think it's important to know what we believe and why we believe it. The last time I taught the foundations of faith, the class really liked it a lot and some of them got baptized and some started seeking out the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues because of what they learned. I just hope that the ciriculum will go as well with this set of jr. highers as it did with the previous group. Every year the jr. highers win my heart. I'm so proud of them and watching them grow in the Lord is such a priviledge for me. I don't take a moment for granted when I am with them. There is something about this particular year that has deepened my passion for jr. high. I've had some of the strongest teenagers ever this year. Yet, it breaks my heart to see what they've had to endure to gain this inner strength. It broke my heart the day I heard one of the teen's dad died. I sit in that class and look at the faces of teens who either have one parent or no parents at all. Sometimes it takes everything in me not to cry when one of them talks about losing their mom or dad. I never tire of the sudden hugs from them and I never get tired of telling them how much I love them. I remember one day one of my former jr. higher's saying that I am like a mom to her sister (who is in my class now) who lost her mom not long ago. I looked at this precious young lady and I had to hold back the tears. I didn't know what to say. This year God has taught me to love. To truly love. To live in compassion. To teach in both love and compassion. My life has been so affected by them that I would do anything and everything for them. I truly enjoy hanging out with them and making them popcorn as we watch movies at my house or making them hot chocolate and cookies after we've played hide and seek out in the yard. They are like family. But, most of all, I love to share with them what God gives me. I get so excited to share with them a revelation or anything new that God speaks. I always want them to be the first to hear. It must be because whatever God shares with me is the closest things to my heart and all I want to do with the jr. highers is give them my heart. My prayers for them are always that they would have God's best. They are some of my favorite people.

The Critics

When I left work, I stopped by the church for worship practice, which ended up getting cancelled, and sat in the sanctuary. It was dark in there besides the light behind the cross in the front. I sat in the back of the sanctuary and began to talk to God. For some reason I was compelled to pray for the Church. I felt the Holy Spirit lead me in a direction that I don't believe I have ever been and I began to repent for Christians and the Church for being critical. Too often we have made the mistake of being led by critical minds. We too often spend our weeks noticing all the "wrong" or "bad" things that happen or are happening and we spend more time thinking about those things than we do to the "good." For all the bad things in the world like hunger, pain, sickness and death there are good and wonderful things like love, joy, peace, faith and life. We tend to see the bad things as more critical and important than the good, when that isn't true at all! We criticise government and officials and we choose to focus on all of the negative points rather than see the good. Our president is a godly man with godly morals who listens to God! Isn't that something to be thankful for? There are bad things that are happening like abortion, but we need to remember to thank God for the good He is doing in our government. We should pray against and repent for issues such as abortion, but also take the time to praise God for the good He is doing!

Even in individual lives, people tend to store up all the bad that happens to them in clear jars and spend every day looking at them, ignoring the good God is doing. How sad. God's goodness outweighs all the bad. Love, joy, peace, and faith outweighs all bad. Hold a candle of faith up in a room full of death and the darkness of death cannot overcome the light of faith. Carry love into a sickroom full of hurting people and that love will breath into them life. Wrap your arms around a mother who has just lost her son and impart peace that will give her strength to wake up tommorow. Impart joy into someone who has lost everything and they will find something to be thankful for. Stop criticising like the Pharasee and the Saducee. Jesus brought life with His words even in the midst of the critics.

Peace

I took the back roads today to avoid traffic and being in the middle of town. As I was driving I felt such peace come over me. I looked at the beautiful scenery and I sighed thinking about how amazing God's creation is. Joy welled up inside of me and it was like His presence filled my entire car. I knew someone was praying for me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I whispered "thank you." I heard the LORD say, "I will be with you." My heart swelled as I sat there unburdened and full of peace. I didn't want to get out of my car when the drive was over because I desired and needed nothing more than to sit there with Him. I never fear, doubt, or worry when He comes like that. It's hard to put into words how it feels. He comes in unexpected moments and I sometimes wonder if the people around me can feel Him there, such a peace that comes like an invisible cloud that I can touch. That's how I face the toughest moments is because He comes and my heart and mind is full of peace. It seems so illogical to hear the worst news or to be broken and to just sit there and feel supernatural peace. I can just hear Him say "trust me" and that's all I want to do in those moments. Trust Him.

Worship

Who sets the tone of worship?

Is it the changing generations?

Does a generation define worship?

In the book of Psalms, Kind David's songs are many. If there is one significant man in the Bible who was known for their music it would be David. If David was alive today and singing the same songs and playing on a harp without a band, do you think people would listen to him?

Look at the life of David. From the beginning of his story he was immediately established as a leader that no one would have chosen. The LORD said to Samuel that He "does not look at the things man looks at." In 1 Samuel chapter 16 "Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers." Why didn't Samuel take David away from his brothers when he anointed him? Imagine the reactions David's brothers must have had. They were probably wondering why God would choose David when he was just a shepherd boy and who in appearance didn't look like a king. The LORD said to Samuel "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Imagine a renound man of God or a prophet walking into a room filled with every worship leader from around the world and for the man to point out only one person in the room and anoint them from the LORD as the greatest worhip leader of his/her time. What if the person who was chosen wasn't the best musician? What if the person wasn't the best vocalist? What if he was the worst dressed person in the room? What if the person didn't play any modern worship?

I already established that the LORD doesn't look at man's appearance, but He looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16 says that he rejected David's brothers. David's brothers might have had it all together and fit the perfect description of a king. If they were worship leaders today they might have had the right guitar, the right songs, the right band, the right notes, the right voice, the right hair, clothes, and shoes. Even Samuel thought highly of David's brothers saying, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD." He saw their appearances and not their hearts.

In the church today and Christian circles we tend to act like Samuel initially did and we praise a worship leader based on appearance. We judge them on their sound, vocals, and gifting. Yet, God's not seeking that. He's God and He defines the most beautiful worship ever given. Why would He search to be impressed by a song? He's not impressed by a song.

For David it wasn't necessarily about the songs. Read the Psalms and you will see what I mean. He was drawing the attention of God to his heart, not his talent or gift. He was a deperate man crying out for God to "examine (his) heart." David says, "Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol." Can a worship style become an idol? Can a worship song and it's words become an idol? Can a worship leader become an idol?

David said that at His tabernacle he would sing and make music to the LORD and that his heart would sing to Him and not be silenced. Take away David's words, his harp, and songs, and his heart would not be silenced. If you read Psalms you will notice that He uses the phrase "I will sing to you, O LORD." Despite the fact that David was a musician, if "the Spirit of the LORD (which) came upon David in power" hadn't been present in him then there would have been no point for a spiritual anointing of David from Samuel because there would have been no power. There are many people who have been "anointed" but they lack the power of the Spirit. The Bible says that when Saul was pleged by an evil spirit whenever David would play the spirit would leave. If David had just played because he was anointed and talented, the spirit would have stayed because he would find the lack of power of the Spirit.

Do not judge a leader based upon their appearance. God may have anointed them with power. The world can find amazing music anywhere, but where can they find the power of the Spirit? A sinner can walk away from a church service thinking the worship music was pretty cool and not think much of it beyond that. But when they feel the power of the Spirit even when the music doesn't mesh with their generation or their style is what will draw them into the deep. If there is no power then they will not be compelled to respond.

I can remember the very first worship service my Japanese friend was ever in. She couldn't understand the words because she could barely speak English and she said to me that there was something about the worship that she couldn't explain but that it touched her heart and soul. Despite the fact that she understood none of the worship, she felt the connection of it to her heart. The band can cease to exist as so the worship leader, but the heart of worship will continue to pulsate.

I want to end with this. I met with a worship leader this past weekend. At the end of the day when I dropped them off at their hotel and drove away I have never felt so refreshed by a worship leader whom I have met in my lifetime besides Laura Woodley. This person never once talked about their gift. It seriously took some prying before I found out anything about where this person has led worship. I spent the afternoon with them not really knowing what to expect and I found that I was humbled in this person's presence. So many times I have been around worship leaders that do nothing but talk about music. Don't get me wrong, I love music. I saw this person's heart and not their gift. I knew that the gift existed, but it wasn't about the gift. So, when this person was leading worship I felt power in their music because they weren't operating from their gift, they were operating out of their heart. Their passion wasn't music, it was God and they weren't there to prove anything, they were there to "Sing to the LORD."

What a Week

The past few nights I have been up in the night praying for my family and there have been points when I have felt so overwhelmed and discouraged listing off the many things that are happening. My dad made a comment to me the other day when I mentioned to him that it all feels so discouraging and he said "try not to think about all of it." How can I do that? I feel like I have this heavy weight on me constantly and no matter how much I pray, I feel so discouraged and helpless. I love my family very much and it's hard to watch one thing happen after the next. I cry all the time for my older brother and sister. It breaks my heart every day. How can I not think of them? Sitting here writing this is making me cry. Sometimes it feels like everything around me is falling and I can't do anything to stop it but pray. It's so painful and it tears me apart. I find myself crawling into bed at night only to cry out to God for strength and help, because I long for someone to lean on and draw from and He is the only one there. At times I feel like I have nothing left to give. I feel spent and exausted.

My business class got our final group paper assignments this week. They're supposed to be on people who start businesses, Bloomington's small businesses, and what affects our economy is having on Bloomington businesses. Blah, boring if you ask me. I'm not a business-minded person, so this stuff is completely boring to me. Oh, well. I just have to write the introduction and conclusion to the paper and the rest of the group gets to write the rest.

I have this hat that I wear all the time now. I got it when I was in Martha's Vineyard and so it has a big MV on the front of it. It's actually a good conversation starter because people are always asking me what it stands for. I've been thinking about stuff like that a lot lately. I ask myself what are good conversation starters when I am sitting in class or at the store. I've found some pretty funny ones. Hey, whatever works.

Acts 22:15

You are to take His message everywhere, telling the whole world what you have seen and heard.

Acts 22:15

College

So, I believe that I made the one of the smartest decisions but at the same time one of the most difficult decisions I have to live with now. I decided a couple years ago that I didn't want huge school bills to pay off loans after college, so I have to save and scrape to pay my monthly school bills as I go to college. It's a huge pain in the butt, but on the other hand it's great knowing that I can be poor now and not later after I finish school. The thing that really bothers me is when the person in the bookstore rings up one book and says "that will be $200." Is she freaking kidding me??? That's more than I make in a week. Colleges rip off students when it comes to their books. It's not like students don't already pay enough to go to college but to have the added fees and book prices is just out of control.

Talking About My God

I'm one of those people who gets choked up really easy about anything sad or inspiring. I can sit and cry through a television commercial if it is one of those ones about starving children in Africa. I cry at movies all the time and I love it when I can watch a movie alone because I will just bawl.

I find myself crying a lot when I am talking to God. I just get so overwhelmed by what He shows me or says to me and I just lay there and cry for hours. People would think I was a big baby if they saw me, but I don't care. It's not that I am upset all the time or anything like that. It's just that I can get really emotional when I am with God. When I am around other people I tend to keep myself in check. At my church, we have awesome worship, but you know what, that isn't anything like my alone time with God. In my own intimate worship time, I'm there for hours, crying out, dancing like crazy, and worshipping until I am completely exausted and I end up falling asleep (lol, that's why "soaking" is "sloaking" for me, because when I soak at home it's usually from me passing out from exaustion after praying or worshipping).

I heard this story once about Smith Wigglesworth and how a pastor went to interrupt him for something during his personnal prayer time and the man ended getting knocked to the floor by the Holy Spirit and he had to crawl out of the room. That's a desire of mine, because I tend to get interrupted a lot it seems during my prayer and worship time, and so I would love it that if someone comes walking in my room that the power of the Holy Spirit would come upon them and they have to crawl out of the room. That would be awesome!

My life would be a huge mess if I didn't spend real time with God alone. I'm NOT talking about a half hour Bible reading session. I'm talking about meeting with God daily. When I haven't taken the time to meet with God, my day feels like a trash heap and I lack what I need for the day. When I have met with Him, everything just feels right. He affects my attitude, my outlook, everything! The awesome thing is that when I have had real time with Him I am spiritually awakened for the rest of the day and I can see Him do one thing right after the next all around me. It suddenly isn't this huge effort to share Jesus in a line at the grocery store and prophecy into their life, because He is at the tip of my tongue and I can see clearly. The Word just leaps out in front of me when I read it and it literally breathes life into me.

Spend real time with God. Don't give Him your leftovers. Look forward to being with Him. Make that the highlight of your day. I literally will set up an appointment with Him. I get so excited when I know I am going to meet with Him, it's like a date. I'll know that I am going to meet with Him after my morning classes, so I will literally sit through my classes thinking about Him. Be romantic with God, seriously. Don't come to Him just because you have to, but because you love Him so much that you aren't satisfied until you have been with Him and even then you want all and more of Him. Be spontaneous and do something that you have never done before with God. I have literally set out tons of candles and put on soft music and spent hours telling Him how much I love Him. I'm sorry, cheesy as it may sound to you, God loves stuff like that!!! I've put on piano music and sang spontaneous songs to Him for hours. I've sat and written poetry to Him while I talk to Him. Come on, be real with Him. Be genuine and show Him that you love Him. No one else has to know what you say to Him or what He says to you, because that's between you and Him. It's so funny that God has completely turned me into a romantic over the years because of time that I have spent with Him. The closer I get to Him, the more I learn and know and grow. He's so intertwined in my life now that He has His fingerprints on everything.

Tonight, at Tehillah during worship I started thinking about the song we were all singing "How great is our God..." Wow, I realized that is a song when we are given the opportunity to brag about our God. I love to brag about God. Get me on the subject of God and it's hard to get me off of it (as you can tell!) I'm in love with God and when I talk about Him, I always talk from my heart. It's not like when I am talking about someone I know and I say "yeah, I know that person, they play the guitar. They are cool." When I talk about God it's like "He's freaking amazing! My head just spins every time I think about Him. I love Him so much it terrifies me to think of life without Him in it!" Don't be afraid to plunge into the depths of God, because there is so much there for you. Don't be afraid to talk about Him either!

Who He Is To Me

I'm one of those people who likes to watch suspenseful/action packed movies. It probably has a lot to do with my dad picking out those types of movies when I was growing up. Last night, it was funny, because there were some friends over at my house and we decided to watch a movie which happened to be full of suspense. I had already seen it once before, so I knew that I already liked it. It wasn't until we got half way into the movie that I remembered that one of my friends doesn't like those kinds of movies. So, I kept glancing over at her to see what she was thinking. One point near the end of the movie, there is a creepy part and I could tell she was getting nervous and she asked me what was going to happen and if it was scary, I just looked at her and smiled saying "oh, yeah..." I said it more than anything to freak her out. Then when the part in the movie was getting ready to happen and the scene was really quiet I laughed and said out loud "oh, the suspense!"

I can't help it. I am not a dull person. I've always been someone who thrives on a challenge or anything suspenseful. My life has been full of spiritual challenges. Sure, it doesn't always feel so great going through it, but my mind is constantly straying to the future and what I know waits on the other side. I'll put up with a beating if it means I can get closer to God and His will. It feels great reaching the top of the mountain after a long/hard journey and looking back at the valley thinking "Hey, that wasn't so bad after all. It sure sucked going through it, but it didn't destroy me."

I'm not really one of those people who sits down and writes out their ten or twenty year goals. It wouldn't do much good anyway unless God has told me what's going to happen when I am forty. The only goal I have is God. My daily life is following Him around. Wherever He is going, that is where I want to be. There are times He goes places and I tend to hesitate thinking "why is He going there?" but I end up following Him there too. Funny as it may sound, God keeps me on my toes. He's constantly amazing and suprising me. God is the biggest romantic and He has a huge sense of humor. I have been in times when I am like, "God what are you doing? What's all this about?" and I can just see Him in my spirit wink and smile. He gets me. Does that make any sense? He GETS me! He KNOWS me! There isn't anyone else who will completely understand me like He does. In fact, He gets me better than I get myself. In each of our individual relationships with God, we see Him and feel with Him differently from anyone else. No one sees God the way I see Him and I can't completely see Him the way you do. Isn't that amazing?! If you have grown up in church you would have heard "You are God's favorite" and everyone would be told that. It's true! When you are someone's favorite/best friend, they treat you in a way that they don't treat anyone else. That's how God is. We are each His favorite and He relationships with us in completely different ways and yet He is the same God all the time.

He Sticks With Us

God's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?" I said, "A walking stick—that's all."And God said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you. I'll make every word I give you come true."

Jeremiah 1:12

"Take charge! Take heart! Don't be anxious or get discouraged. God, my God, is with you in this; he won't walk off and leave you in the lurch. He's at your side until every last detail is completed for conducting the worship of God. You have all the priests and Levites standing ready to pitch in, and skillful craftsmen and artisans of every kind ready to go to work. Both leaders and people are ready. Just say the word."

1 Chronicles 28:20

Aren't these 2 passages powerful!!! God doesn't say "take the city" and then walk away. He stays with us until what He says will be completed to the very last detail. He sticks with us! So, there is no reason to feel discouraged when completing the work God has begun through you. He is going with you every step of the way. If that isn't assurance enough that what God says He wants to do through you will be done, then I don't know what can be! If God is for you, who can be against you??? It's like walking onto a college campus and when someone asks you what you are doing there, you can answer "taking it for God" because He is standing right there with you and no one can stop Him.

The Vacuum

If you know my dad then you would know NOT to sneak up on him. Late last night I went and picked him up from the church. He was down in the basement and I could see him vacuuming the floor when I was coming down the stairs. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and called out his name. He couldn't hear me above the noise, so I waited where I was. He finally turned around and saw me, so he turned off the vacuum and said "I am always thinking someone is going to sneak up on me down here." I just laughed and said "Yeah, I know. I also know not to suprise you. You might have tried to knock me out with the vacuum hose." He would have too! Then when people asked me why I have a huge knot on my head I could say "I got attacked by a vacuum."

Path

I've tasted cloudless nights,
In the stars of dreamy skies,
I've run through endless reflections,
Of moon's and heaven's lights,
Creating timeless moments,
I've traced glows of fingerprints,
Through bridges of silent stones,
Over hills brushed with shadows,
I've found the path of eternal dawn's.

The Introduction

I like to write short stories sometimes before I go to sleep at night. It somehow helps me sleep, getting ideas/thoughts out onto paper. Funny, right? Well, anyway I wrote this short story last night:


I don't know the exact moment I finally came to the realization that my life looked like a sticky piece of gum on the bottom of a cheap pair of tennis shoes. Somewhere between the line at Starbucks and the empty tank of gas in my car it must have begun to register. On the side of the road I sat in the dirt with my head between my knees and cried. Thirty years ago I was without a care in the world, just a tiny bundle in the arms of a woman I never had the chance to call "mom". So many innocent babies born into the world everyday, and you'd think God would make a safer place for them. But why should He care, He's only the Creator of the universe. Joe told me once that God created man because He was lonely. I asked him if that was in the Bible and he said, "I don't read what I can't understand," so in other words he hasn't even the read the book. Even if God did care about people, He's sure never took the time to introduce Himself to me.


Several yards away stood a man in a pair of blue jeans with a white t-shirt. He observed the scene before him with a deep frown. A woman in her late twenties or early thirties sat in front of a run-down toyota, weeping. He sighed and took off his Yankee's cap and scratched the top of his head. He shoved back on his cap and called out to the woman. Having not received a response, he called out louder and stepped towards her. Immediately, her head shot up and she looked puzzled until she turned and saw him approaching from across the street. A look of embarassment or annoyance, he wasn't quite sure which, crossed her face. She wiped her face with her hands and pushed back her curly brown hair.
He came up beside her and asked her if she was alright. She only nodded and looked away. He asked if her car had broken down and he received a sharp "no". He attempted asking her if she needed any help or a phone call perhaps, but she completely ignored him.
Seeing that he wasn't very welcomed, having interrupted some sort of what appeared to be an emotional breakdown, he made his exit. He had only gone a few feet when he suddenly felt a tug at his heart. He knew the polite thing to do would be to let the lady be, but something inside of him new that if he walked away he would be making a huge mistake.
He took off his cap again, scratched his head, and shoved it back into place. He turned around and stood in front of the woman again. "Miss?" He expected another look of annoyance but received instead a face full of suprise.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I don't feel right leaving you here like this." She stared up at him and he knelt down until he was eye level with her. "Is there something I can do to help you?" He watched her open her mouth and close it as if she was about to argue that she had already told him she didn't need help but changed her mind. "I know you don't seem like you really want my help, but look, I can't just leave you out here. It's going to get dark soon and you can't sit out here alone all night, it's not safe."
She looked him in the eye and raised her chin saying, "Why should you care?"
"Well, because it looks to me like there isn't anyone else around to show you that they do." He watched as her eyes widened and began to fill with tears again. He thought he had hurt her feelings so he rushed to tell her, "You never know, maybe God sent me here to cheer you up," and grinned at her.
The tears began to pour and she covered her face with her hands. He felt sorry for this woman without knowing what was bothering her so much that she would be sitting in the dirt on the side of an old country road and what appeared to him, heartbroken. To think that if he hadn't decided to take a walk before dinner, he would not be sitting here having this extremely awkward conversation. He reached out his hand and touched her shoulder, half expecting her to jump back, but she didn't. Silently, he prayed for her, "God, you know this woman like no one else does. Help me to help her. Give me the words I need now to comfort her. God, give her peace right now."
He continued to sit with her for a while, praying for her until she stopped crying and she glanced up at him. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and sighed. "Do you believe in God?" she asked with her eyes fixed to some invisible spot on the ground.
"Yes, yes I sure do." He watched as she picked up a small rock from the ground and held it in the palm of her hand.
"Do you think God cares about me?" She continued to stare at the rock, moving it around on her hand with her index finger.
"Yes, don't you?" She looked up at him with a questioning look in her eyes and she shook her head.
"Listen, I don't know who you are or what your name even is, but I know that God knows all of that and that's good enough for me. There is no question in my mind that He cares about you. In fact, I know that today He wants to introduce Himself to you."
He watched in fascination as her face transformed from brokenness into a huge, beautiful smile.

You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Matthew 5:8

(The Message)

Fergus, Ontario

This past weekend, a team of 9 people from my church drove up to Fergus, Ontario. We were there to support Tony and Sarah Albano and the vision God has birthed within them for Fergus. It was not only an amazing time in the presence of God, it was also a wonderful time of fellowship with our friends in Canada.

To Fly Again by Gracia Burnham

Gracia Burnham is a popular speaker and the author of In the Presence of My Enemies, the bestselling Gold Medallion Award winner that chronicled the Burnhams' ordeal as hostages of the Abu Sayyaf. She and her late husband, Martin, who was a pilot, served with New Tribes Mission in the Philippines from 1986 to 2001.

"Late at night on December 30, 2003, I was sitting on the couch in my living room thinking about the year wrapping up. The kids were already in bed, the Christmas tree was still glowing in the corner, and the gas fireplace was burning. I had been home from the Phlippines for a little more than eighteen months. What had I accomplished in that length of time?

I started telling myself...

Gracia, you're not spending enough time speaking to groups. You need to be out telling your story. Invitations to churches and other audiences were indeed plentiful.

Gracia, this foundation of yours [which was started to channel money toward mission aviation, tribal mission work, and ministry to Muslims] would really be going places if you'd just put some energry into it. The Christian Community Foundation in Kansas City had done all the legwork, but the public voice for my foundation had to be mine.

Gracia, you're too busy. The kids really need you in these important years. Certainly. Jeff was already a junior in high school, while Mindy was in eighth grade, and Zach in seventh.

Before long I was overwhelmed with the list of what I should be doing. If you are like me, it's easy to get down on yourself for what you haven't done. You look at your recent past, and see one gaping hole after another. You should have taken care of this, and that, and the other...but you didn't. You start to feel like a total waste. Life, one again, is out of control. You are spinning your wheels, going nowhere.

This makes you feel inferior. Your overall impression of yourself plunges. You are just taking up space, consuming food and money, but not making a contribution to your family, your church, your community, your world. A heaviness hangs over your spirit.

For most of us, achievement and the affirmation of others are linked to value. If we don't feel we are accomplishing much, we assume we're not worth much. Considerable numbers of men and women look at their job performance and wince. Doing becomes a measure of being.

What we forget is that God made us with innate value, before we ever did a single thing to prove it. The theologians call this positional truth. Once we have received entrance into God's family, we are totally acceptable to him, even loved by him. We have the right to come boldly into his presence. We have been given eternal life. All of that makes us valuable.

Dozens of times in the New Testament letters we find this somewhat odd phrase: to be "in Christ." It cannot mean a literal insertion into his physical body, of course, like you would say you're living "in Pennsylvania" or swimming "in the lake." It is a metaphor, but a very powerful one, for being enveloped in the essence of Christ and thereby endowed with his attributes. To be "in Christ" includes:

-being alive to God (Romans 6:11)

-being without condemnation (Romans 8:1)

-being loved (Romans 8:39)

-being eligible for resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:22)

-being established (2 Corinthians 1:21)

-being triumphant (2 Corinthians 2:14)

-being a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)

-being free (Galatians 2:4)

-being reconciled with people who are not like you (Ephesians 2:13; 3:6)

-being encouraged and consoled (Philippians 2:1)

-being confident (1 Timothy 3:13)

-in fact...having "every good thing" (Philemon 6, NIV)

These and many more blessings are ours as a result of our association with Christ. They are valuable in their own right. And they set us up to be high achievers in our world. From this base comes the strength to go out into life and be productive.

Just because our value is already established in Christ doesn't mean that we sit back and cease being productive. Instead, we recognize that the key to a Christian's accomplishment is only partly a matter of diligence and initiative and hard work. It is also a matter of being grounded in Christ, of attempting each task "with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need" (Philippians 4:13). This is how we truly achieve.

Even as we rest in the inherent worth that God has given us, we know that someday we will all stand before the Lord for a review of our accomplishments. I think the review will probably be both quantitative (how many things we got done) and qualitative (how well we did them). The Lord will no doubt also ask whether those things were important or trivial. Did our accomplishments matter in the eternal sense?

I hope to give a good account of myself on that day. I certainly will not have achieved everything I hoped to or could have. I know there will be emberassing gaps. But as I live these years with my feet firmly anchored in Christ, I will achieve more than I ever could otherwise. I can face him with confidence and peace."

Gifts

So, one of the coolest things has happened to me this month. When I was fifteen I did a project for my Econ class. The project was to find a "dream car" that we would like to have and research everything about the car. Well, I chose a Porsche Boxster. I tell you what, I was pretty specific on the fact that it had to be yellow. I don't really know why I wanted that color.
Anyway, I liked the idea of having a sports car or something similar to one. So, I prayed for one and would tell people that the first car I would buy would be a sports car. Knowing how much they cost didn't keep me from wanting one, because I knew that God could do anything. At this point I will tell you that it's OK to ask God for things. I think we get into this religious mode that we can't ask God for stuff even if we really want it. Of course God will only give you what He knows you can handle, but He knows the desires of our hearts. Ever since I was little I had no problem asking God for things. Of course I didn't go around being like "God, I want that hat, those shoes, that cat, that candy..." I didn't do that. But, if I really really wanted something I would ask. You know what? God always answered me. I would either get what I asked for or something better. See, it's ok to bring your requests to God. Just don't abuse that priviledge.

But, anyway, so, I have bought my first car. It's a firebird. Completely wow, right??? I mean, I am still blown away by it. Every time I drive in it I feel like I'm driving inside a gift from God and I just sit there and giggle thinking "my Dad really loves me!" I find myself going out to sit in my car to pray now, because it serves as a reminder that God answers prayer.

Listening

Don't let yourself walk through this day without listening to the Lord's voice. He is continually speaking. You will find that He even has input for your every-day-decisions.

He Sees You

Don't run away,
Don't let yourself fade away,
If you could see yourself the way He sees you now,
You'd see His love,
So don't hide away,
Don't let yourself break away,
His arms are strong enough to hold and lift you up,
You'll feel His love, So don't run away
-Ana Laura-

I have been listening to this new cd that I bought for work and it's by a Christian artist named Ana Laura. There is this particular song that speaks to me every time I listen to it, especially the line in the chorus that reads "If you could see yourself the way He sees you now." So many times we see our weaknesses and scowl, we abuse ourself mentaly for messing up, and we have such a hard time seeing how anyone could even think of us as good Christians. But, God looks at us when we have tears running down our faces when we are hurting and broken and instead of turning away because our eyes are puffy and our face is red, He sighs because He sees beauty. We look at the ashes and He sees the beauty that will be formed there. No matter what we do, we can't change how He feels about us. Those moments when you're driving alone down those back-roads, just taking a cruise away from the hustle and bustle and mess of the day, and you gasp "I can't do this anymore; everything is falling apart, including me..." He is staring at you, looking past the "stuff" you are so focused on and seeing YOU. We just tend to ignore the words "I love you..." that are repeated constantly to us.
Whatever you are facing/going through today, close your eyes to how YOU would see yourself and open your eyes to how HE sees you. The things you thought were so huge may suddenly fade completely away.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
(Psalm 42:11)

The Gift of Prophecy - Jack Deere

Here are some main points from this book that I thought you would like to read:



Why does God speak to his people, especially to his prophets, in visionary language? Why not just sit them down in a comfortable chair with a cup of coffee and put the message into their minds?
Because there is more to us than just a mind. We are also spirit and flesh. And we have emotions that powerfully affect our behavior. Sometimes a pictures is worth a thousand words. Where we might ignore a worn-out warning, a graphic dream can shake us out of a complacent state. Or a vision of future joy may cause us to endure a present hardship long after we would have forgotten a prosaic promise.
We also live in a world that is filled with mystery and with other spiritual beings very different from us. And although we are created in God's image, bearing a certain similarity to him, he is infinitely more dissimilar (see Isa. 55:8-9). There are realms of truth and experience that transcend human understanding. God's mysterious visitations and visions allow us to experience these realms.




DISCERNING GOD'S VOICE:


Jesus used stories about everyday life to reveal divine truth. God will illumine anything in the natural world to speak to us if we have trained our eyes to see, our ears to hear, and our hearts to receive.



God sometimes speaks through "fleeces" (see Judg. 6:36-40). I think it can be appropriate to lay out a fleece when we have to make a decision, especially when we have come to an impasse. We have prayed and waited, but we are still uncertain.
I have three cautions regarding this method of proving God's will. First, make sure the fleece is supernatural and cannot be manipulated by anyone concerned in the decision. Second, use fleeces sparingly and as a last resort. Excessive use of fleeces indicates a view of God that makes him more like a personal genie than a sovereign, almighty God. If we succumb to that view of God, it will lead to a loss of intimacy with him. Third, remember that fleeces are a lower, less personal form of revelation. When we use a fleece, we are confessing either that God has not spoken to us, or that we could not hear him with our hearts, or that what he did say to us has not given us the confidence to act.



There is no spiritual experience that will eliminate our need to walk by faith every single day.



Since it is the Father's holy love that lies behind all revelation, sending it, protecting it, and interpreting it, we must become immersed in that love. For God will trust his secrets and the secrets of others to those who love him and all that he has created.




1)The Bible is the first test through which our subjective experience must pass. If my impression contradicts the Bible, then I discard it.
2)Although the voice of God may contradict one or our interpretations of Scripture, it will never contradict the Bible, no matter what our hearts tell us.
3)His words bring Hope, not Despair.
4)We must learn to recognize the character of the Lord's voice.
5)If we read the Bible with the illumination of the Holy Spirit, we will learn to recognize the character of the Lord's voice.
6)If we are following the voice of God, we can expect to experiance the fruit of the Spirit, especially peace (see Phil. 4:9).



If God's thoughts and acts differ enormously from ours, two indisputable facts follow. First, the most important things in life can only be understood by divine revelation. The unaided human intellect, no matter how brilliant, will not be able to penetrate the ways of God. Second, when the divine revelation comes, it may seem wrong to us initially.



These four tests of the voice (that is speaking to us)-Scripture, its character, its fruit, and its content-help us to recognize God's voice. But perhaps you've already noticed these tests have a fatal flaw. That flaw lies in the human heart that tries to use these tests for its own benefit.




EMBRACING OUR WEAKNESS:

A current-day prophet: "The Lord put the gift (of prophecy) into a plain vessel so the people would never confuse the two, never be tempted to give the glory to me instead of to God.""The price I pay for my gift is living with the disappointment of people and enduring the embarrassment of being deserted by the anointing." (This was said to Jack Deere when Paul Cain was explaining to him why God doesn't always use him.)



1)Paul Cain had learned the same secret as the apostle Paul-the power of Christ rests on the people who embrace their weaknesses (see 2 Cor. 12:9-10).
2)Many of us are distressed by our weaknesses, viewing them as permanent liabilities. But humble people see their weaknesses as opportunities for the power of Christ to rest on them.
3)The Scripture declares that the humble hear and understand the voice of God.
4)Humility is one of the main character qualities of all great prophets. Humility is the pathway to intimacy with God.
5)If we are humble, God will "look" on us, that is, be intimate with us. If we are proud, we will not hear his voice. He will deal with us at a distance.
6)Humility is not the denial of our attributes. It is believing in our hearts that our best qualities are not good enough to cause us to deserve God's attention, or even to gain us the lowest position of service to him.
7)Humility is seeing ourselves not in comparison with one another but in the light of God's greatness.
8)Humility is almost always acquired in the desert. The desert is the cure for both personal and prophetic pride. The greater the prophetic gifting, the greater and more severe the time in the desrt will be. Welcome the desert. It means the gift of humility is being imparted and that promotion or restoration is on the way.

Encouragement

I was thinking about what to write today and all I keep remembering is a conversation I had the other day. I was telling someone how I tend to get really emotional when I see someone living their dream/call/within their gifting. It's so wonderful seeing a friend lead worship for the first time, dance after a long break from dancing, and just doing what they have always wanted to do and are annointed to do. I know that God has called me to encourage people. I love doing it, because cheering people on has the greatest rewards. I can stand back and holding back my tears of joy for them and silently shouting "YES, your living it!" in my spirit for my friends. We are all called to encourage each other. Find apportunities today to lift up someone whether in person or in prayer.

The Challenge

So, I have been taking classes this semester and I am still getting used to my new schedule and learning to balance work, classes, homework, church and so on. For the past two weeks I have felt my mind being stretched and for some reason it's just about wearing me out. When I am tired I tend to act really spacy. Someone can say something to me and I will just start laughing and they'll ask me what I am laughing at when what they said wasn't meant to be funny. That's always emberassing. The best is when you are in the middle of a conversation and something in your brain just sort of shuts down and you are pretty much sitting there sleeping with your eyes open.
I'm pretty much induring my business class. I know when I am called into certain things and I KNOW I am not called to be in business. I know it's not meant to be boring, but for me...it goes above and beyond boring. Listening about trade & tariffs, business ethics, economy & politics for long periods of time just doesn't really interest me. It may interest you and all power to you, but it just sort of hits a wall in my brain.
Something that really cracks me up is the fact that I really enjoy my accounting class (bizzare as it sounds) and even though my professor is adament about assigning at least 5hrs. worth of homework every class I actually look foward to the moment when something clicks in my head and seriously I get up from the dining room table all excited, taking a bow after figuring out yet another long night's homework, thanking the invisible audience for putting up with my frustrated sighs, tapping pencil and calculator. It feels great after hours of work and about 5 cups of hot green tea to grin down at the completed worksheets, knowing that everything is balanced and in right order. Yes, I find odd things thrilling. Hey, at least I am enjoying this stuff. I seriously doubt I could make it through the next few semesters if I didn't like accounting. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn't make it if I didn't hold some odd fascination for it. The great part is that when I start getting into something I REALLY get into it and I am not satisfied until I know it backwards and forwards. I like a challenge!

My Vacation

My Uncle Mark and My Grandfather

This Crazy Goose Who Was Sitting In It's Water Bowl At The Petting Zoo

The Bamboo Forest and My Cousin Noah

The Crazy Goose Again...And The Petting Zoo...Some Petting Zoo...There's Nothing To Pet

My Grandmother In The Gardens

I Love Random Pictures

I Don't Know Who This Little Girl Was But She Was So Cute, So I Took A Picture

My Grandfather and Myself Standing Beside The Breechway That Leads Out To The Ocean

My Grandmother and Myself By The Breechway Again

I Think My Grandmother Was Saying Something....

The Other Two People Are My Aunt Aggie and Uncle Billie...They Were Always Like Grandparents To Me...They Called Me Princess...Look What It's Done To Me - Gone To My Head!!!!

The Few Nights That We Spent At The Breechway (We Slept In A New Camper/RV) Were Beautiful With Amazing Sunsets Every Night

I Loved Taking Pictures Of My Cousin and I Think He Really Liked It Too!


My Aunt Susan

My Cousin, Noah, Only Has One Arm, But If You Met Him You Would See That He Doesn't Let That Stop Him From Being A Wonderful Five-Year-Old Boy Who Plays Soccer On His School Team, Swims Like A Fish (He Had Me Swimming With Him For Hours And He Never Gets Tired!!!), And He Is Really Strong
The River Fires On A Saturday Night In Providence
I Bought Noah A Light Saber At A Booth...I Think He Fancied Himself To Be A Jedi
The State Capitol Building In Rhode Island
Playing Pirates!!! Arrrrrrrr!!!

Noah Couldn't Stop Hugging Me! I Told Him That I Don't Think I Have Ever Been Hugged So Much In My Life and He Asked "Why?" Like It Was The Saddest Thing He Had Ever Heard



My Frog Friend...I Saved His Life!!! We Swam Together For A Little While, But He Could Have Died If He Stayed In That Water


Sorry, I Did NOT Kiss The Frog....I'm Not Looking For A Prince....I Like the Regular Guys!