Peace

I took the back roads today to avoid traffic and being in the middle of town. As I was driving I felt such peace come over me. I looked at the beautiful scenery and I sighed thinking about how amazing God's creation is. Joy welled up inside of me and it was like His presence filled my entire car. I knew someone was praying for me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I whispered "thank you." I heard the LORD say, "I will be with you." My heart swelled as I sat there unburdened and full of peace. I didn't want to get out of my car when the drive was over because I desired and needed nothing more than to sit there with Him. I never fear, doubt, or worry when He comes like that. It's hard to put into words how it feels. He comes in unexpected moments and I sometimes wonder if the people around me can feel Him there, such a peace that comes like an invisible cloud that I can touch. That's how I face the toughest moments is because He comes and my heart and mind is full of peace. It seems so illogical to hear the worst news or to be broken and to just sit there and feel supernatural peace. I can just hear Him say "trust me" and that's all I want to do in those moments. Trust Him.

Worship

Who sets the tone of worship?

Is it the changing generations?

Does a generation define worship?

In the book of Psalms, Kind David's songs are many. If there is one significant man in the Bible who was known for their music it would be David. If David was alive today and singing the same songs and playing on a harp without a band, do you think people would listen to him?

Look at the life of David. From the beginning of his story he was immediately established as a leader that no one would have chosen. The LORD said to Samuel that He "does not look at the things man looks at." In 1 Samuel chapter 16 "Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers." Why didn't Samuel take David away from his brothers when he anointed him? Imagine the reactions David's brothers must have had. They were probably wondering why God would choose David when he was just a shepherd boy and who in appearance didn't look like a king. The LORD said to Samuel "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Imagine a renound man of God or a prophet walking into a room filled with every worship leader from around the world and for the man to point out only one person in the room and anoint them from the LORD as the greatest worhip leader of his/her time. What if the person who was chosen wasn't the best musician? What if the person wasn't the best vocalist? What if he was the worst dressed person in the room? What if the person didn't play any modern worship?

I already established that the LORD doesn't look at man's appearance, but He looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16 says that he rejected David's brothers. David's brothers might have had it all together and fit the perfect description of a king. If they were worship leaders today they might have had the right guitar, the right songs, the right band, the right notes, the right voice, the right hair, clothes, and shoes. Even Samuel thought highly of David's brothers saying, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD." He saw their appearances and not their hearts.

In the church today and Christian circles we tend to act like Samuel initially did and we praise a worship leader based on appearance. We judge them on their sound, vocals, and gifting. Yet, God's not seeking that. He's God and He defines the most beautiful worship ever given. Why would He search to be impressed by a song? He's not impressed by a song.

For David it wasn't necessarily about the songs. Read the Psalms and you will see what I mean. He was drawing the attention of God to his heart, not his talent or gift. He was a deperate man crying out for God to "examine (his) heart." David says, "Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol." Can a worship style become an idol? Can a worship song and it's words become an idol? Can a worship leader become an idol?

David said that at His tabernacle he would sing and make music to the LORD and that his heart would sing to Him and not be silenced. Take away David's words, his harp, and songs, and his heart would not be silenced. If you read Psalms you will notice that He uses the phrase "I will sing to you, O LORD." Despite the fact that David was a musician, if "the Spirit of the LORD (which) came upon David in power" hadn't been present in him then there would have been no point for a spiritual anointing of David from Samuel because there would have been no power. There are many people who have been "anointed" but they lack the power of the Spirit. The Bible says that when Saul was pleged by an evil spirit whenever David would play the spirit would leave. If David had just played because he was anointed and talented, the spirit would have stayed because he would find the lack of power of the Spirit.

Do not judge a leader based upon their appearance. God may have anointed them with power. The world can find amazing music anywhere, but where can they find the power of the Spirit? A sinner can walk away from a church service thinking the worship music was pretty cool and not think much of it beyond that. But when they feel the power of the Spirit even when the music doesn't mesh with their generation or their style is what will draw them into the deep. If there is no power then they will not be compelled to respond.

I can remember the very first worship service my Japanese friend was ever in. She couldn't understand the words because she could barely speak English and she said to me that there was something about the worship that she couldn't explain but that it touched her heart and soul. Despite the fact that she understood none of the worship, she felt the connection of it to her heart. The band can cease to exist as so the worship leader, but the heart of worship will continue to pulsate.

I want to end with this. I met with a worship leader this past weekend. At the end of the day when I dropped them off at their hotel and drove away I have never felt so refreshed by a worship leader whom I have met in my lifetime besides Laura Woodley. This person never once talked about their gift. It seriously took some prying before I found out anything about where this person has led worship. I spent the afternoon with them not really knowing what to expect and I found that I was humbled in this person's presence. So many times I have been around worship leaders that do nothing but talk about music. Don't get me wrong, I love music. I saw this person's heart and not their gift. I knew that the gift existed, but it wasn't about the gift. So, when this person was leading worship I felt power in their music because they weren't operating from their gift, they were operating out of their heart. Their passion wasn't music, it was God and they weren't there to prove anything, they were there to "Sing to the LORD."

What a Week

The past few nights I have been up in the night praying for my family and there have been points when I have felt so overwhelmed and discouraged listing off the many things that are happening. My dad made a comment to me the other day when I mentioned to him that it all feels so discouraging and he said "try not to think about all of it." How can I do that? I feel like I have this heavy weight on me constantly and no matter how much I pray, I feel so discouraged and helpless. I love my family very much and it's hard to watch one thing happen after the next. I cry all the time for my older brother and sister. It breaks my heart every day. How can I not think of them? Sitting here writing this is making me cry. Sometimes it feels like everything around me is falling and I can't do anything to stop it but pray. It's so painful and it tears me apart. I find myself crawling into bed at night only to cry out to God for strength and help, because I long for someone to lean on and draw from and He is the only one there. At times I feel like I have nothing left to give. I feel spent and exausted.

My business class got our final group paper assignments this week. They're supposed to be on people who start businesses, Bloomington's small businesses, and what affects our economy is having on Bloomington businesses. Blah, boring if you ask me. I'm not a business-minded person, so this stuff is completely boring to me. Oh, well. I just have to write the introduction and conclusion to the paper and the rest of the group gets to write the rest.

I have this hat that I wear all the time now. I got it when I was in Martha's Vineyard and so it has a big MV on the front of it. It's actually a good conversation starter because people are always asking me what it stands for. I've been thinking about stuff like that a lot lately. I ask myself what are good conversation starters when I am sitting in class or at the store. I've found some pretty funny ones. Hey, whatever works.

Acts 22:15

You are to take His message everywhere, telling the whole world what you have seen and heard.

Acts 22:15

College

So, I believe that I made the one of the smartest decisions but at the same time one of the most difficult decisions I have to live with now. I decided a couple years ago that I didn't want huge school bills to pay off loans after college, so I have to save and scrape to pay my monthly school bills as I go to college. It's a huge pain in the butt, but on the other hand it's great knowing that I can be poor now and not later after I finish school. The thing that really bothers me is when the person in the bookstore rings up one book and says "that will be $200." Is she freaking kidding me??? That's more than I make in a week. Colleges rip off students when it comes to their books. It's not like students don't already pay enough to go to college but to have the added fees and book prices is just out of control.

Talking About My God

I'm one of those people who gets choked up really easy about anything sad or inspiring. I can sit and cry through a television commercial if it is one of those ones about starving children in Africa. I cry at movies all the time and I love it when I can watch a movie alone because I will just bawl.

I find myself crying a lot when I am talking to God. I just get so overwhelmed by what He shows me or says to me and I just lay there and cry for hours. People would think I was a big baby if they saw me, but I don't care. It's not that I am upset all the time or anything like that. It's just that I can get really emotional when I am with God. When I am around other people I tend to keep myself in check. At my church, we have awesome worship, but you know what, that isn't anything like my alone time with God. In my own intimate worship time, I'm there for hours, crying out, dancing like crazy, and worshipping until I am completely exausted and I end up falling asleep (lol, that's why "soaking" is "sloaking" for me, because when I soak at home it's usually from me passing out from exaustion after praying or worshipping).

I heard this story once about Smith Wigglesworth and how a pastor went to interrupt him for something during his personnal prayer time and the man ended getting knocked to the floor by the Holy Spirit and he had to crawl out of the room. That's a desire of mine, because I tend to get interrupted a lot it seems during my prayer and worship time, and so I would love it that if someone comes walking in my room that the power of the Holy Spirit would come upon them and they have to crawl out of the room. That would be awesome!

My life would be a huge mess if I didn't spend real time with God alone. I'm NOT talking about a half hour Bible reading session. I'm talking about meeting with God daily. When I haven't taken the time to meet with God, my day feels like a trash heap and I lack what I need for the day. When I have met with Him, everything just feels right. He affects my attitude, my outlook, everything! The awesome thing is that when I have had real time with Him I am spiritually awakened for the rest of the day and I can see Him do one thing right after the next all around me. It suddenly isn't this huge effort to share Jesus in a line at the grocery store and prophecy into their life, because He is at the tip of my tongue and I can see clearly. The Word just leaps out in front of me when I read it and it literally breathes life into me.

Spend real time with God. Don't give Him your leftovers. Look forward to being with Him. Make that the highlight of your day. I literally will set up an appointment with Him. I get so excited when I know I am going to meet with Him, it's like a date. I'll know that I am going to meet with Him after my morning classes, so I will literally sit through my classes thinking about Him. Be romantic with God, seriously. Don't come to Him just because you have to, but because you love Him so much that you aren't satisfied until you have been with Him and even then you want all and more of Him. Be spontaneous and do something that you have never done before with God. I have literally set out tons of candles and put on soft music and spent hours telling Him how much I love Him. I'm sorry, cheesy as it may sound to you, God loves stuff like that!!! I've put on piano music and sang spontaneous songs to Him for hours. I've sat and written poetry to Him while I talk to Him. Come on, be real with Him. Be genuine and show Him that you love Him. No one else has to know what you say to Him or what He says to you, because that's between you and Him. It's so funny that God has completely turned me into a romantic over the years because of time that I have spent with Him. The closer I get to Him, the more I learn and know and grow. He's so intertwined in my life now that He has His fingerprints on everything.

Tonight, at Tehillah during worship I started thinking about the song we were all singing "How great is our God..." Wow, I realized that is a song when we are given the opportunity to brag about our God. I love to brag about God. Get me on the subject of God and it's hard to get me off of it (as you can tell!) I'm in love with God and when I talk about Him, I always talk from my heart. It's not like when I am talking about someone I know and I say "yeah, I know that person, they play the guitar. They are cool." When I talk about God it's like "He's freaking amazing! My head just spins every time I think about Him. I love Him so much it terrifies me to think of life without Him in it!" Don't be afraid to plunge into the depths of God, because there is so much there for you. Don't be afraid to talk about Him either!

Who He Is To Me

I'm one of those people who likes to watch suspenseful/action packed movies. It probably has a lot to do with my dad picking out those types of movies when I was growing up. Last night, it was funny, because there were some friends over at my house and we decided to watch a movie which happened to be full of suspense. I had already seen it once before, so I knew that I already liked it. It wasn't until we got half way into the movie that I remembered that one of my friends doesn't like those kinds of movies. So, I kept glancing over at her to see what she was thinking. One point near the end of the movie, there is a creepy part and I could tell she was getting nervous and she asked me what was going to happen and if it was scary, I just looked at her and smiled saying "oh, yeah..." I said it more than anything to freak her out. Then when the part in the movie was getting ready to happen and the scene was really quiet I laughed and said out loud "oh, the suspense!"

I can't help it. I am not a dull person. I've always been someone who thrives on a challenge or anything suspenseful. My life has been full of spiritual challenges. Sure, it doesn't always feel so great going through it, but my mind is constantly straying to the future and what I know waits on the other side. I'll put up with a beating if it means I can get closer to God and His will. It feels great reaching the top of the mountain after a long/hard journey and looking back at the valley thinking "Hey, that wasn't so bad after all. It sure sucked going through it, but it didn't destroy me."

I'm not really one of those people who sits down and writes out their ten or twenty year goals. It wouldn't do much good anyway unless God has told me what's going to happen when I am forty. The only goal I have is God. My daily life is following Him around. Wherever He is going, that is where I want to be. There are times He goes places and I tend to hesitate thinking "why is He going there?" but I end up following Him there too. Funny as it may sound, God keeps me on my toes. He's constantly amazing and suprising me. God is the biggest romantic and He has a huge sense of humor. I have been in times when I am like, "God what are you doing? What's all this about?" and I can just see Him in my spirit wink and smile. He gets me. Does that make any sense? He GETS me! He KNOWS me! There isn't anyone else who will completely understand me like He does. In fact, He gets me better than I get myself. In each of our individual relationships with God, we see Him and feel with Him differently from anyone else. No one sees God the way I see Him and I can't completely see Him the way you do. Isn't that amazing?! If you have grown up in church you would have heard "You are God's favorite" and everyone would be told that. It's true! When you are someone's favorite/best friend, they treat you in a way that they don't treat anyone else. That's how God is. We are each His favorite and He relationships with us in completely different ways and yet He is the same God all the time.

He Sticks With Us

God's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?" I said, "A walking stick—that's all."And God said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you. I'll make every word I give you come true."

Jeremiah 1:12

"Take charge! Take heart! Don't be anxious or get discouraged. God, my God, is with you in this; he won't walk off and leave you in the lurch. He's at your side until every last detail is completed for conducting the worship of God. You have all the priests and Levites standing ready to pitch in, and skillful craftsmen and artisans of every kind ready to go to work. Both leaders and people are ready. Just say the word."

1 Chronicles 28:20

Aren't these 2 passages powerful!!! God doesn't say "take the city" and then walk away. He stays with us until what He says will be completed to the very last detail. He sticks with us! So, there is no reason to feel discouraged when completing the work God has begun through you. He is going with you every step of the way. If that isn't assurance enough that what God says He wants to do through you will be done, then I don't know what can be! If God is for you, who can be against you??? It's like walking onto a college campus and when someone asks you what you are doing there, you can answer "taking it for God" because He is standing right there with you and no one can stop Him.

The Vacuum

If you know my dad then you would know NOT to sneak up on him. Late last night I went and picked him up from the church. He was down in the basement and I could see him vacuuming the floor when I was coming down the stairs. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and called out his name. He couldn't hear me above the noise, so I waited where I was. He finally turned around and saw me, so he turned off the vacuum and said "I am always thinking someone is going to sneak up on me down here." I just laughed and said "Yeah, I know. I also know not to suprise you. You might have tried to knock me out with the vacuum hose." He would have too! Then when people asked me why I have a huge knot on my head I could say "I got attacked by a vacuum."

Path

I've tasted cloudless nights,
In the stars of dreamy skies,
I've run through endless reflections,
Of moon's and heaven's lights,
Creating timeless moments,
I've traced glows of fingerprints,
Through bridges of silent stones,
Over hills brushed with shadows,
I've found the path of eternal dawn's.

The Introduction

I like to write short stories sometimes before I go to sleep at night. It somehow helps me sleep, getting ideas/thoughts out onto paper. Funny, right? Well, anyway I wrote this short story last night:


I don't know the exact moment I finally came to the realization that my life looked like a sticky piece of gum on the bottom of a cheap pair of tennis shoes. Somewhere between the line at Starbucks and the empty tank of gas in my car it must have begun to register. On the side of the road I sat in the dirt with my head between my knees and cried. Thirty years ago I was without a care in the world, just a tiny bundle in the arms of a woman I never had the chance to call "mom". So many innocent babies born into the world everyday, and you'd think God would make a safer place for them. But why should He care, He's only the Creator of the universe. Joe told me once that God created man because He was lonely. I asked him if that was in the Bible and he said, "I don't read what I can't understand," so in other words he hasn't even the read the book. Even if God did care about people, He's sure never took the time to introduce Himself to me.


Several yards away stood a man in a pair of blue jeans with a white t-shirt. He observed the scene before him with a deep frown. A woman in her late twenties or early thirties sat in front of a run-down toyota, weeping. He sighed and took off his Yankee's cap and scratched the top of his head. He shoved back on his cap and called out to the woman. Having not received a response, he called out louder and stepped towards her. Immediately, her head shot up and she looked puzzled until she turned and saw him approaching from across the street. A look of embarassment or annoyance, he wasn't quite sure which, crossed her face. She wiped her face with her hands and pushed back her curly brown hair.
He came up beside her and asked her if she was alright. She only nodded and looked away. He asked if her car had broken down and he received a sharp "no". He attempted asking her if she needed any help or a phone call perhaps, but she completely ignored him.
Seeing that he wasn't very welcomed, having interrupted some sort of what appeared to be an emotional breakdown, he made his exit. He had only gone a few feet when he suddenly felt a tug at his heart. He knew the polite thing to do would be to let the lady be, but something inside of him new that if he walked away he would be making a huge mistake.
He took off his cap again, scratched his head, and shoved it back into place. He turned around and stood in front of the woman again. "Miss?" He expected another look of annoyance but received instead a face full of suprise.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I don't feel right leaving you here like this." She stared up at him and he knelt down until he was eye level with her. "Is there something I can do to help you?" He watched her open her mouth and close it as if she was about to argue that she had already told him she didn't need help but changed her mind. "I know you don't seem like you really want my help, but look, I can't just leave you out here. It's going to get dark soon and you can't sit out here alone all night, it's not safe."
She looked him in the eye and raised her chin saying, "Why should you care?"
"Well, because it looks to me like there isn't anyone else around to show you that they do." He watched as her eyes widened and began to fill with tears again. He thought he had hurt her feelings so he rushed to tell her, "You never know, maybe God sent me here to cheer you up," and grinned at her.
The tears began to pour and she covered her face with her hands. He felt sorry for this woman without knowing what was bothering her so much that she would be sitting in the dirt on the side of an old country road and what appeared to him, heartbroken. To think that if he hadn't decided to take a walk before dinner, he would not be sitting here having this extremely awkward conversation. He reached out his hand and touched her shoulder, half expecting her to jump back, but she didn't. Silently, he prayed for her, "God, you know this woman like no one else does. Help me to help her. Give me the words I need now to comfort her. God, give her peace right now."
He continued to sit with her for a while, praying for her until she stopped crying and she glanced up at him. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and sighed. "Do you believe in God?" she asked with her eyes fixed to some invisible spot on the ground.
"Yes, yes I sure do." He watched as she picked up a small rock from the ground and held it in the palm of her hand.
"Do you think God cares about me?" She continued to stare at the rock, moving it around on her hand with her index finger.
"Yes, don't you?" She looked up at him with a questioning look in her eyes and she shook her head.
"Listen, I don't know who you are or what your name even is, but I know that God knows all of that and that's good enough for me. There is no question in my mind that He cares about you. In fact, I know that today He wants to introduce Himself to you."
He watched in fascination as her face transformed from brokenness into a huge, beautiful smile.

You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Matthew 5:8

(The Message)