My Testimony

I was thinking about testimonies today. I have had the opportunity to hear so many people's stories. It's hard to forget a testimony. Have you ever noticed that? When someone tells you what they have or have not gone through, you remember. A person's story "testifies" of their life, victories, failures, and blessings.


I was thinking about my testimony and how there isn't a lot of "wow, drama stuff" in it. I can pretty much scale out the biggest parts of my life pretty easily. Let's see, I have been raised in Church. I was saved, baptised, filled with the Holy Ghost at five. I started seeing angels at seven. I started hearing God's voice when I was eight. I was your typical Christian kid growing up. I went to a Christian school for a few years when I was in grade-school, so that is mostly where I learned the Word of God. Something I didn't realize until recently is that when I was a kid I used to sing propheticaly. Wow, at the time I didn't even have a stinkin' clue what the prophetic was. Yet, I would sing what I heard God speaking or what I was praying.


Then I got up into Jr. High and those were not so great years. My best friend started to spread lies and rumors about me around the Christian school we were going to. I lost everything, including my reputation. I learned a lot through that. First lesson: it's not about saving your reputation. Yet, I went through two years of depression because of it. I would sit in my room for hours and read. That is when I started to love reading, but I did it for the wrong reason. I read to forget about my problems and worries and to shut my life out. I praise God for the youth pastor and his wife that I had at the time. They knew what was happening to me, even if no one else did or they simply didn't know how to help. They challenged me every week at church and youth group. I made some commitments because of them that I haven't broken to this day. I made a commitment to God that I wouldn't date until He sent me the one I was supposed to marry and He specificaly spoke to me that they were the one. Even though that was the darkest time in my life, I have learned the most lessons from it.


Then, I moved to Bloomington. I had come out a lot from the previous state I was in, but I was still very confused and I began questioning God. I had spent my life fearing Him. I grew up in the "all fire and brimstone" period. Yet, I knew that there had to be something more. Every time God had ever spoken to me, He didn't sound angry, no, He sounded the complete opposite. Yet, I didn't know what I know today, that God truly loves me. Then, the first day we came to the church I am attending now was the day I found the love of my life. For over two hours He spoke to me and I was completely changed that day. My entire life I had walked in fear. I was afraid of everything, especially having to talk in front of people. He broke that fear that day. That is when He started to give me visions and dreams. LOL - all those years of standing back were over and I wanted to be a part of everything. I was still in High School at the time and so, I started up a prayer meeting every morning before school, a worship team for chapel and assembly, and I even joined the stinking cheerleading squad. Yeah, I went from one extreme to the next and I had never felt so alive. I was still in youth then and I did everything I was asked. I loved it! Prayer, drama .... It's so funny to see how completely nuts I went for God when I realized how much He loved me. Yet, something happened and I got hurt. I started to shrink back again and I recognized that "old" Nickie that I used to be. I prayed and fasted and God said to trust Him and wait. So, I fought against becoming who I used to be and I focused on who God was creating me to be, like Christ.


I will stop there. The point I am trying to make is that if God had given up on me and threw up His hands saying, "she's not worth it," I wouldn't be here today. God doesn't give up on us. The only reason I made it through those dark years of my life were because of God. He used to sit there with me and I would try so hard to ignore His presence, but I couldn't. Every time a lie rose up in me, He immediately would speak the truth to me. It was all Him keeping me going and not giving up completely. He never gave up even if I wanted to. I love Him because He loves me. Whatever you are facing, however hard it is, don't give up, because God isn't going to give up on you.