Walking in Silence

Those moments our tired feet drag the ground as we stare down in a daze and the surrounding walls seem to drain out the sun and even the moon's dim glow seems so distant and remote. Our shoulders bent from years of carried weight and the hope that once so outshown our fear seems but a memory in our clouded and confused minds. Tears aren't a comfort and our bent head shadows our face from the world around us. We forget to speak. We forget to smile or laugh. All emotion spent, we feel nothing, an empty hollow, a grave. Alone, we feel. We shut off contact and embrace our sorrow. Knowing every ounce of giving in is our mistake, but not making the effort to break through we succumb to our feeling of loss and the lack of strength. Like poison, we allow our life to be consumed by the empty, the broken. If for one moment we could catch a glimpse at the reflection of what we have become we would leave the cycle we had begun. But we continue to surround ourselves with the closing cloak of forgetting, waisting away, and letting go. All the while being watched with eyes so full of compassion, to see them would vanquish the lie we have believed. Yet, we look away, knowing the arms that wait, the heart that beats, the voice that whispers is only a breath away. We attempt to hide behind our vice, our hold to our want to forget. We push aside the past, we run past the present and we shun the future all because of a fear that won't subside. Such a bondage with talons that consume the heart and mind. Yet, we, in our humanity think that being bound by our fear in order to be safe from it will prevent that which we fear from ever being faced. In our ignorance, we cannot see the hold that which we fear has upon us. So, we continue to drag our feet and bend our heads and lose hope of ever overcoming all because we are afraid. We are afraid to look up and see the thing we fear the most. We are afraid to hope, because we are afraid that what we hope for will never be. So, we wander the same cycle, broken by our fear, wounded by our doubt, and troubled by the person we know we have become. Again, only a breath away, we know He stands. Ashamed to admit our fear and knowing that He knows, we do not speak of our worry or what our heart feels. How wrong we are to think that He does not understand, that He cannot help us. Why do we feel the need to walk alone? Yet, even then, we don't really want to walk alone. We know He walks with us and that even though we do not admit what troubles us, He will continue to walk with us. If we only would wake up and realize that He wants to be in every part of our lives! Why are we so afraid to ask Him for what we want? Why are we so afraid to tell Him what we feel? We base our expectation to His reaction to the reactions of people. We expect Him to laugh at us or shake His head or tell us to forget and let it go. But, He isn't like that. Being honest is one of the most rewarding parts of a relationship with Him. Tell Him the truth, He already knows what is going on within you, but He wants you to come to Him with it. The people around us, no matter how close they may be, do not know us the way God knows us. I have come to realize the obvious. God knows best. His guidance and will, it is what we should be seeking. Nothing is too outrageous to talk to God about.