Providence

About a year ago, I had this vision. A pastor was at our church holding a type of conference and at the end of the last night God showed me what I call “Providence,” because in the vision I was standing in the city of Providence, Rhode Island. Before I had the vision of Providence, I watched with my face to the floor and my eyes shut as ministering angels walked around the room praying for people. Then I saw the Lord. He layed His hands on people one by one until He came to me. He laid His hands upon me and instantly I was shown this vision.

I was walking down the older streets of Providence that are still made of stone. To my right ran the river. This river was once underground until the city dug it out and built bridges over it. As people passed by me, I began to notice them stopping and staring at me. I stood still and watched as a large crowd stood in front of me. I was puzzled and did not understand why until a little girl came and tugged on my hand. She looked up at me and said, “I want to know Jesus.” I looked and realized that all of these people wanted the same thing. I was overwhelmed. I truly didn’t know what to do, because there were so many of them. Then I saw them looking past me, wide eyed. I turned and saw Jesus standing there. He looked at me and smiled. He then handed me a loaf of bread and somehow I knew exactly what to do with it. I broke it off piece by piece and handed it to the crowd. The loaf lasted until everyone had eaten. Then, suddenly, they all began to worship and speak in tongues. I watched as angels surrounded them and tongues of fire were upon each person’s head. I had never seen such worship before. Then, it suddenly stopped, and I was standing alone on the street. I looked down and on the ground laid a tin cup. I picked up the cup and again I knew exactly what I needed to do. I went over to the river and filled the cup to the brim. I then took a drink. The water began to pour from the cup and I dropped it into the river. The river began to rise until it poured over into the streets, filling in the cracks between the stones of the streets. I stood watching as pillars began to rise all around from the streams of water. They continued to rise until they formed into giant angels. Some of the angels were warring angels and others were ministering angels. Then, I watched as they formed two lines facing each other. They didn’t say a word. They stared straight ahead as if at attention. Some held swords in their hands and others held staffs. I again knew what I was to do and so, I started walking between them. I was terrified at first. They were as tall as the buildings of the city. But, peace came over me and I focused ahead. I continued to walk until the two lines of them had finished. I glanced back and saw that they were gone. Then I heard a loud rumbling sound coming from ahead. I continued to walk up a hill and when I reached the top, I looked down and saw thousands of people worshiping, shouting, and dancing. Then, I was suddenly before them and I could see their faces. I looked up and on the rooftops of the city, stood angels. They lifted up their heads and opened up their mouths wide. From their mouths came the sound of a hundred trumpets. The sound shook me. Then the sky broke open and rain began to pour. The people were drenched and they danced even harder. When the water had reached waste deep, suddenly, there was a bright light that shown and everything was blinded from my sight. Then, the vision was over.

This is the very basic interpretation of this vision…The city, Providence, was very key, because the word providence means destiny. God was saying that this is His last pouring out of His Spirit. He is preparing us for the rush of people that are coming, hungry and searching for Him. The bread is the bread of life. The water and the river represents the Holy Spirit. His Spirit is running through Providence or destiny. When we drink from Him, His Spirit will be poured out. He will reach into the cracks and dark places. The pillars of water represent the many prayers of the Saints. God is answering these prayers that are going up by sending His ministering and warring angels. The angels formed the two lines t0 show us the way and to guard and protect. The people worshipping in the rain is representative of the end time pouring out of His Spirit. The light represents His coming.

But, this was just the first vision I had that night. After I had that vision, another one was given to me. I was still trembling and in awe from the last vision when I heard the Lord tell me to look at Him. At first, I could not. But, He said it again and slowly I looked into His face, then His eyes.

He drew me into His eyes and I was standing as if in a room looking out of two huge circles. I could see a beautiful scene before me. It was of a valley filled with flowers, trees, animals, and people. The people were all smiling. Some of them were dancing, others were laughing together, and some were singing. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I reached out my hand, thinking that I could walk into this place, but instead my hand touched a surface like a soft canvas. It ripped and I walked through the tear. I was standing in a battlefield. It was not the wonderful valley I had seen only moments before. The valley was red with blood and there were mountains all around spewing out lava and smoke. I watched as people walked, being tortured by demons. One demon jumped on to the back of a man and dug its long, black claws into the man’s back, who cried out in pain. Suddenly, an arrow shot through the air and hit the demon in the back, causing him to let go and fall to the ground in agony. I looked and beside me stood an angel clothed in white with gold armor. In his hand was a golden bow from which he had shot the demon. The angel did not speak. He just stared at me and nodded. Then the vision was over.

When I came out of this vision I choked and gagged, because I could still smell the sulfur. I felt sick to my stomach. When I finally calmed down, the Lord began to tell me what I had seen. He said that we are deceived by what we see, because we are still seeing through our physical eyes. But, there is truly a battle raging on. He said that until we can see this, His numbers are few for His army and that the people will continue to perish under the enemy’s hand. I had seen the angel of the Lord and He fights for us and those perishing.

When the Lord finished speaking I went and sat down, still shaking. I didn't tell anyone what I had seen. Then my mom said that I should be prayed over by the visiting pastor, so I did. He told me that he had watched me laying in the floor and he saw a bright light bouncing back and forth from me to the wall. He didn't understand it, but he knew it was the Holy Spirit.

The Gate

GATE: 1 : an opening in a wall or fence2 : a city or castle entrance often with defensive structures (as towers)3 a : the frame or door that closes a gate b : a movable barrier (as at a grade crossing)4 a : a means of entrance or exit b : STARTING GATE c : an area (as at a railroad station or an airport) for departure or arrival d : a space between two markers through which a competitor must pass in the course of a slalom race5 a : a door, valve, or other device for controlling the passage especially of a fluid

NOTE: The word gate is mentioned approx. 275 times in the Bible.

In the Bible, gates are usually reffered to physically in the Old Testament. But, there are places like in Jeremiah chapter 7 where the "gate of the Lord" is mentioned. Before battles, the gates were the focul points to penetrate cities. Isa 28:6b "...for strength to them that turn the battle to the gate." The gate just as Webster's Dictionary states is "a means of entrance," "a movable barrier," or "a device for controlling passage." Without the gate, no one could come in or out of the city; a convenience for those that lived within. But, the gate can be penetrated. That is why Proverbs 17:19b says, "he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction. " Those who thought their gate could not be destroyed were in danger of that very thing, because they took their defense off of their gate.

We, as Christians, could learn a huge deal from this. The most obvious gate is our minds. The enemy knows that our minds can be penetrated and he will do everything in his power to do it. He comes at people's minds through television, music, book/magazines...the list goes on!!! You may not watch tv or listen to worldy music, but he will find a way to get to you. That is why it is so very important to not take our defense off of our minds. The closer we draw to God, the more attacks the enemy is going to try and throw at our gates.

In the Old Testament the elders would sit at the gates. Why? I like to think it is because they have so much to give in way of wisdom. They are there to see and filter what comes through the gate. Lam. 5:14a says, "elders ceased from the gate." I feel like there has been a long stretch of time where the elders of the church have not been watching the gates. They have left the entrance to the gates and there has been a "slipping in" of the unholy. I feel that God is calling the elders to go back to their place to watch the gates.

The afflicted and the poor would also sit at the gates. I find this significant, spiritually. Think about it. When you are going through battles and "rough times" you tend to sit at the gates of your mind. You are hyper-sensitive to what is entering your mind. I feel like God takes us through those times for that reason, so that we will sit at the gate and watch. We tend to retreat when there is nothing "going on." He wants us on the alert.

One more thing I am feeling impressed upon my spirit is in Eze. 8:14, which talks about the "door of the gate of the Lord's house." We don't tend to think of there being a door within the gate, but there is. This door is not usually very visible from the outside of the gate. This door is always open and is seldom locked, only being watched by a "guard." God has shown me recently through a book that I read that this doorway is the "passage between heaven and earth." It should never be closed and only locked when God says to hide within us what He has given us that may not be shared or allowed out. This door should only be watched because we are called to be on the look out for the prescence of God. It should also be watched, so that nothing that is against God's character can enter. But, this door is only known by God and the ones who have it, us. Yet, we do not always keep this door accessable to the Holy Spirit and we tend to turn God away when He asks to enter. We must not do this, because when God knocks, we are called to answer. So, think about it. Today, spend some time praying about the gate and door to your mind.

The Blame Game

"Absolutely no man, woman, child, or devil can ever get you out of the will of God! No one but God holds your destiny." - John Bevere

But, the Devil made me do it! How many times have we heard that? We like to play the "blame game." But, the will of God doesn't work that way. Every situation we face is not meant to remove us from our destiny but to bring us closer to it. The will of God is not a card game and a winning hand. His will is going to happen no matter what we do. The Devil fears this. He is afraid of God's will, because it has been fulfilled up to this point. But, he is going to try like crazy to get you out of God's will. But God is in control. Stop looking for your destiny and start trusting His will. Your destiny will follow.

Eagles

"One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar." - Helen Keller

Have you ever seen an eagle soar? It is fascinating. It is completely different from watching a humming bird fly. Humming birds must constantly flap their wings, but an eagle rarely "flaps." An eagle's wing span is approx. 6-10 ft. in length. Eagle's make their nests in the tallest of trees or rocks in the mountains so that they can do what is called a "wind check." They wait for the wind and then they spread out their large wings and soar on it. The wind does all of the work for them.

Two lessons could be learned from this. First, the word WAIT is so extremely important. The eagles must wait for the wind or they cannot soar. Second, the wind does all the work. The eagles rely on the wind.

Spiritually the wind represents the Holy Spirit. In order for us as Christians to soar, we must wait upon the Holy Spirit. We must learn how to fly by hearing God's voice. We must be willing to go through basic training allowing God to teach us to soar before He can activate and elevate us into soaring mode. We must first learn to use the spiritual instruments God has placed within us, just as a pilot must learn the in's and out's of his airplane.

Isa 40:25 To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One.
Isa 40:26 Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.
Isa 40:27 Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?
Isa 40:28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
Isa 40:29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Isa 40:30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

There is an eagle nature to fly within us that can only be activated by the Word of God. The ability to soar is Voice Activated and not attained by our own strength. Once we have gone through our training we must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit by doing constant Wind Checks. Just as an eagle cannot fly without wind, so we as Christians cannot soar without the Holy Spirit. We tend to make the mistake of trying to "work up the Holy Spirit." Instead we are called to Mount Up or Look for the wind of the Spirit. Where it is, that is where we are to be. But, the most important lesson is learning to wait. Unless we learn to tune into the prescence of the wind of the Holy Spirit and wait, we can never soar.

Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I had a vision during worship about this word...

As I kneel before the feet of God,

He knows my thoughts, He know my ways,

Upon my shoulders He slowly lays,

A robe of feathers as eagle's wings,

To take upon His rising wind,

For the journey still ahead,

I do not stand, but take flight,

Past the realms of my mind,

Into the thoughts of His alone,

I see the place His hands do guide,

I trace the image with my life,

The blood does run from His side,

From where He gathers together,

An eternity yet awaits, like the unknown,

There is found the unspoken,

To find it would be heaven,

To find it too soon would clip eagle's wings.

WORSHIP

I used to think that life was filled with two lists, the "Do" and the "Don't" lists. Do this and you will receive this. Don't do that or this will happen. It was a constant battle of "following the rules of life" so to speak. But, one day I woke up and realized that there are no lists to follow, no rules. Then my life was all sunshine and daisies and I have been living happily ever after ever since. Well, actually it didn't happen that way and there are no daisies that happen to appear wherever I just so happen to be. Have you ever heard of the 10 commandments? When I was a kid there was this song that I learned to help me remember them. "Commandment number one, you shall have no other gods, you shall worship only me..." That song used to run constantly through my mind like one you have heard on the radio and it just didn't seem to want to leave. The song became something depressing as I began to realize that there was no "human" way to follow all 10 of those commands. Sure, the ones like "don't kill" weren't the ones I was worried about. It was that first commandment that really threw me for a loop. "You shall worship only me...." But, what is true worship? I honestly didn't know. I would watch during the "praise and worship" part of the Church service and I would see so many varieties and styles coming from different people that it didn't make any sense. I grew up in a military family and so I moved around a lot. Every new place that we moved to we would have to find a church to go to. Every church had a different way of worshipping. I don't remember any two being exactly alike. Some aspects of the worship was similar, but not identical. I was confused. I have always had a very presise and exact mind that didn't allow for anything that didn't make sense. Well, worship didn't make sense to me. Some pastors preached that worship was to be soft and solemn, while others said it was to be loud and extravagent. I didn't know how to worship. I would stand and watch people raise their hands and I would wonder why. I would watch the youth jump and dance and I was puzzled. The Bible said to clap and dance, but not everyone did that. The Bible also said to come reverently and with fear and trembling, but not everyone did that either. I spent so much time standing agape and scratching my head, that I missed out completely. I knew all of the songs, but they never really "touched" me. I would watch as a lady cried and smiled at the same time while singing Amazing Grace and I didn't feel a thing. I knew what the song meant, but I couldn't understand how the words to a song could affect someone in that way. None of it made sense. I was fascinated and I loved to watch other people "experiance God," but I simply didn't get it. But, I didn't even know what "experiencing God" was. I had heard evangelists on TV talk about it, but it had never happened to me. So, I spent years trying to "figure it out." Logically, none of it made sense. How could 300 people in the same worship service have so many different reactions? How could some lay in the floor, some dance, some weep, and some laugh all at the same time? I sure had no clue. I had never danced or cried during worship. Then one day I gave up trying to figure it out myself and for the first time I asked God a direct question. "How is it that even though we are all worshipping the same God, we can have so very different reactions to You?" Then something amazing happened. For the first time in my life, God gave me a vision. He said to look into the mirror. I did and at first nothing happened. But, He said to wait and watch. I did. My face began to change and I was no longer looking at myself. My first reaction was to be completely terrified and I had to look away. I started to cry and I sat on the floor praying. Then God said that there was nothing to be afraid of and to go back to the mirror. I did, eventually. I looked and again I was not looking at myself. God was showing me the faces of men and women all over the world from African American to Asian. I was filled with so much emotion that I was in awe. Then for the first time in my life something happened that I cannot and never will forget. God spoke in an audible voice. He said, "I am in them and they worship because they were created to do so." I can remember running from my room and to tell my parents what had happened. They looked at me as if I had lost it, but I didn't care. I knew what worship was. Worship is an outer reflection of the inner relationship with the Holy Spirit. It cannot be taught or understand by the human mind. True worship was created by the Father for the Father. Worship is not even worship unless it is to Him alone. Just think about it.

Rest

So, I am trying to see if my puppy can get used to staying outside during the day. He hated it at first. He didn't want to go inside of the doghouse. My dad tried to put him in it and he couldn't get him through the opening. So, I had to put him in it and he just cried and cried as I held him back from getting out. When I let him go, he ran out and tried to climb in my lap. I felt really bad for him, he kept looking at me as if to say "I don't want to go in that scary place." I don't blame him. So, I had my dad stick in a little rug over the hay and his toy frog to keep him company. We looked out the window later on and Chewy had taken the frog out of the house and put it in the grass and he was trying to pull out the rug. The poor little guy!! But, it started to pour down outside and he eventually went inside the dog house and fell asleep.
I know that everyone has felt that way before about one situation or other in their life. You are absolutely terrified of the unknown, but you are forced to face it. Eventually you have to move forward and in the end you are so exausted from worrying and fighting that you fall asleep. After the battle, we are called to a place of rest. Just rest today.

Be Anxious for Nothing

Phi 4:6 Do not be anxious for anything; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

As human beings we tend to be anxious for a lot of things. When we are making decisions or we are waiting for something, we get anxious about it. It's almost an automatic mechanism that kicks in. Don't you hate that? We all know that we just need to trust God, but that annoying word rushes in and tries to take over. It is crippling, that is why that verse says "Do not be anxious for anything." Yet it is so difficult to do that. That is why the verse doesn't stop there, but it continues on to say that "in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Instead of being consumed by that spirit of anxiousness, we need to pray. The thing is, God already knows what your needs are, because He is all knowing. He really gives us the instruction to pray because prayer renews our minds. Did you know that? Think about it. Ok, have you ever had and extremely rotten day? Of course, we all have. Have you ever tried to pray during that day? What happened? Well, one of two things could have happened. One, you started to pray but you couldn't take your mind off of your circumstances so you never made it past the gates of Heaven. Or two, you broke through into the throne room of God and He strengthened, renewed, and restored you and the rest of your day was stinking awesome. I would love to say the second option always happens with me, but I would be lying. You see, it's when we can lay down the very thing that we are praying and interceding for that God answers. God doesn't answer us when we come with our vision blinded by our need. He answers when we can lay our need down and look into His face and say, "God, you are in control." Then we look and see that the very thing we brought in to talk to Him about is no longer there. Why? God does not want our minds filled with anything that goes against His character. He wants to see that He is first on our hearts and minds above all of our circumstance. That is why He says to come to Him when we are weary and heavy laden and He will give us rest. He simply wants us to come to Him putting aside everything else and He will take care of us. We have to come to a place where we stop looking at what is before us and instead start looking up into the face of God. He waits for that moment when we let go and say, "Dad, it's yours, therefore I take my hands off of it." Then He can lead us and show us what to do.

Through the waves of trial I see your face,

In the darkness of this world I feel your embrace,

Daddy you hold the keys to my life,

From day to day you remain,

To carry to hold to stay the same,

I cannot hide from my circumstance,

But I can surrender to you,

Your love is greater than all my needs,

My trust in you is my strength,

To let go and know that you are my king.

A Learning Process

Have you ever been kayaking? If you have then you will know that it takes a lot of balance. The hard part is that you have to sit still while moving your arms to paddle. Usually when it is your first time you start off really slow because you are afraid of flipping the whole thing over. But, once you get the hang of it, you can't seem to go fast enough. It is a whole lot of fun, but afterwards your arms are like jelly.

We tend to treat situations in our lives like this. We manage to get into the boat, but we are so worried about falling in the water. We make that first step, but we worry too much about how to get from point A to point B. We fear messing it up or not making it to the end at all. But, once we get the feel for the whole situation and we realize how it works, we think to ourselves "wow, this isn't hard at all." It's that initial learning process that throws us for a loop. But, beyond that it turns out great. When you are kayaking you learn that your paddle has to be turned a certain way in order to push through the water. You also learn that you can use your paddle to do all sorts of steering. In situations that we face, we start to learn what to do and it becomes so much easier. But, if we had never spent time learning, we would still be back at ground zero afraid to climb into the boat. You can't skip over the lesson. The lesson is what shapes you into the end product of what God has planned. Just like a begginer at kayaking who goes into the water shaky and comes back out confident, we tend to go into the situation full of apprehension and come out thinking "what was I so worried about." You are going to slip up and mess up but that is all part of the learning process. Take it one step at a time, don't rush it. They didn't build Rome in a day, you know!!!

Rom 8:25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

Strength

"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laiden and I will give you rest." You know those days where you just feel drained? Those times when someone could say just about anything to make you cry? Don't you hate those days? I sure do. But, God knows that we will have those times and He says to come to Him and He will take care of you.
Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
We draw our strength from the LORD. He doesn't want to see us tired and broken. It's in those very moments that He teaches us to rely fully on Him. So, when you are going through those rough times, remember to call on the LORD. His joy will be your strength.

You Are Worth More Than Gold

Most of my life I have been taught that the mind is a bad thing and that it is a hindrance for the Spirit. That was until I learned that the mind is the gateway to Heaven. To think of all the times that I have tried to push my mind completely to the side so that I could live by the spirit, I could have been using my mind for that very thing.
These past few months have been rough. My mind has been like a warzone, no exaggeration. Growing up, I was taught that you had to fear God and be an obedient Christian. Even though I know now that there is much more to it, I can still be tough on myself. It's odd that I have a lot of patience with other people but I can really be hard on myself. I have always had this attitude towards myself that slip-ups have no excuses. I will admit right now that even though I am a Christian, I have still had moments when I questioned wether I will make it to Heaven or not. I am not saying that I thought I was a bad person, but, with everything that God has shown me and taught me, I felt like there was this higher standard that I had to keep reaching for. I didn't believe in getting "comfortable," because I thought of that word as my sure ticket to Hell. But, now things are changing in my life. God has been teaching me to show mercy to myself. It was always easy to show everyone else mercy, but never for a moment, myself. That is why I went through a time of depression when I was in High School. I didn't feel good enough. But, you have to understand that that was what I was taught my entire life. I never knew God loved me. It boggles my mind now to think that even though I didn't know he loved me, I still wanted to please him. My relationship with God didn't go beyond Creator and creation until a few years ago when for the first time I heard him say "I love you, Nickie." For three hours I stood at the altar and cried. My whole life I had lived in fear. I was afraid of everything. I was terrified of God. But as I stood there, I could physically and spiritually feel him stripping everything away. My "reality" was no longer real. Everthing I had known and believed fell away. All of the passages of scripture I had memorized growing up in Christian schools finally had meaning to them and they were no longer just words I chose to recite when needed. I fell in love that day. No one will ever measure up to my Lord. He taught me to smile again. He taught me to dance by dancing with me. He taught me to trust and to love. He taught me everything that I know now. He showed me that I DO have value. He showed me that I did not have to please. Now, I cannot stop smiling. He is always there with me. He speaks and I listen. I never make a decision without him. People are all the time asking me what God is speaking to me and I always tell them that He is constantly speaking and he truly is, I am not exaggerating. I will be in the middle of a conversation with someone and He will say something about them. He won't let me put myself down. Whenever I try to, I end up exausted and crying, because I try to fight against him and I end up realizing how foolish that is. I can remember once when I was hurting and I just wanted to give up. He came and put his hand on me and prayed into me. I tried to tell Him to leave me alone and He wouldn't. He sat there with me until I finaly gave it all over to him and he healed my brokenness. I think that is why I fight against Him sometimes. I know that he is going to heal, help, and restore me and I don't want him to. Sometimes I just want to feel the pain and shame and I don't want him to touch me or look at me. But, He won't go away and I always end up giving in. My point is this, we are not our own judge. We are not called to judge ourselves. We will destroy ourselves if we try to do it all ourselves. I had this vision of a Christian who put handcuffs on their hands and sat in the corner and wept. God came into the room and tried to take off the cuffs, but the Christian pulled away. Eventually the Christian allowed God to come and release him and then he held him in his arms. This vision is so true of many Christians. When we feel we have done wrong or messed up, we chain ourselves up and try to discipline ourselves. Then when God comes and tries to take it all away and release us, we pull back from his touch of love. When we finally give into him, we are so broken spiritually that He has to heal us even further. My prayer for you is that you will know the value you hold in the Father's eyes. Take some time and surrender everything to God. Don't judge yourself anymore. Allow God to come and heal and restore and renew you. Allow him to take your weakness and make you strong.

More than a Conqueror

My parents just got back from "family camp" yesterday. They brought home all of these books and cd's from Ted Haggard. Well, I grabbed one to read today for my devotional time at work and I tell you what...that book will shake you. It's about reaching your city. It's Ted Haggard's story of when he first started his church. Wow. He went up against some huge demonic forces. He would have calls every week from people threatening to kill him and his family. There was a huge cult that pretty much controlled the area until God showed up and put Ted Haggard there. Every other church had failed there, but his kept on growing and the enemy's hold started to loosen. It's a powerful story. As I was sitting there reading it an urgency to pray for the people of Bloomington came over me. So, I put the book down and grabbed the phone book. I just started going down the list and praying over the people by name. I didn't make it past the first page, the Spirit of God showed up so strong. He started telling me what to pray for specifically over each person. Then when I stopped, I began to think "I will probably never see these people." But, my spirit was checked and I started claiming out loud that I would see every one of them in Heaven. Something Ted Haggard said really stuck with me. He said that one day during a service his hands started to feel heavy and dirty. He tried shaking them off and rubbing them together and nothing worked. He then realized that what he was feeling was the responsibility he had been given. The blood of the people he was called to reach were on his hands. I realized that that was true for not only him but all Christians. I don't want to make it to Heaven and find out that I "allowed" people to die and go to Hell when God gave me a chance to reach them. When I pass on an opportunity to reach someone for the kingdom, I am passing over their soul. I am tired of the mindset so many Christians have and I HAD. This life is not mine. "Giving your life to Christ" is not just some metaphor we made up. Giving your life to Christ means you die to your will. How can I call myself a Christian if people do not see Christ in me. Christ raised the dead, healed the sick, cast out demons...we are to do the same. The word "Christian" is thrown around so flippantly that it has lost it's true meaning. I will not call myself a Christian just for the sake of saying it. You know, everything I thought I knew is nothing. When we get passed the point of using our 'Christian knowledge' and allow God to reveal to us his secrets....wow. There won't be any stopping the Church. Did you know that over the past hundred years the church has been teaching Christians how to lead someone in the sinner's prayer but have not really taught them how to BE Christians? Sure, we all hear in Sunday School that we have to read our Bible, pray, worship, and tell people about Jesus...but, what else? The Church doesn't tell you to go and cast out demons or raise people from the dead. Don't get me wrong, there are some that are starting to get it, but most every church is not getting it. Christians are being taught how to live a good Christian life, that's the bottom line. That's not what it's all about!!!! For goodness sake, wake up, doesn't that sound B-OR-ING!!! YEAH!! If suddenly we all said, "Jesus, I love you and I give my life to you for real, no joke, I will die for you and spend every day doing what you did on earth before you were crucified" Hades would shake in fear and the glory of God would fall so fast, so strong, people wouldn't know what hit them!!! Yet, we don't believe we can be all that Christ said we would be. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." We are "more than conquerors through Christ." Do you have any idea what a conqueror is? The dictionary's definition of conquer is this: To defeat or subdue by force, especially by force of arms. To gain or secure control of by or as if by force of arms. To overcome or surmount by physical, mental, or moral force. (v. intr.) To be victorious; win. n. for conqueror: someone who is victorious by force of arms [syn: vanquisher] A conqueror is someone who is victorious, who overcomes, who defeats, and who vanquishes. The Bible says that we are MORE than that. Yet, we still doubt who we are in Christ. Why? For one moment imagine what it would be like to stand beside Jesus and see him face to face. Imagine him handing you a sword and saying "take this to all the nations so that they may believe that I am their Lord." You take the sword and put it on the ground and say "it is too heavy for me, so I will just tell them about you." Jesus looks at you and says, "but, I am giving you this so that you will be victorious in what I am asking of you." Then you say, "isn't that your job?" Isn't it true, though? We want to be Christians and yet we want to leave all of the "big stuff" up to God.