Saying Goodbye

I had to say goodbye to my brother for the next six months. It wouldn't be so difficult if he was JUST moving away, but there is so much more to it than that. He gave me a hug before he left and he wouldn't let go. We said our "goodbye" and our "I love you." He started to cry and it took everything in me not to cry as well. I pray that he comes back healed and changed. But, it was so hard for me to worship Sunday morning after he left. I couldn't stop crying. I know he will be okay, but this is the first time he's ever had to do something like this alone. I want him to finally have peace in his life. Only God can give that to him.

BRRRRR

I think it is seriously time for the cold weather to LEAVE...
That's all the words of "wisdom" (if that could even be called that) that I have today!

Romans 8:1-11

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." Romans 8:1-11

There is just so much in the New Testament that talks about the Spirit. This topic of "living in the spirit" is always on my mind. I can't stop thinking about it. I live in a human body, but I have come to realize that most of my life I have seen things that fleshly eyes cannot see. You have to live according to the spirit in order to truly see. This whole concept excites and terrifies me all at once.
The more I see through the spirit, the more that I realize that God has been leading me into this point and place in my life. As a little girl, I couldn't grasp that or even think about understanding that. Growing up I just thought that I was an odd person. But, now I realize that I was seeing what a lot of people couldn't see. Not, that they "couldn't" exactly, but more of that they didn't want to see. That saddens me, but then again if people aren't ready, then it is best for them not to see what is really going on around them.
I am not a "demon under every rock" type of person at all. Believe me, the only things that live under rocks are bugs and maybe little animals...
Anyway, when I was about twelve I started having visions and seeing things. It became so constant that my physical eye sight was affected. So, unfortunately, I had to start wearing glasses. I hated them! Well, I went through a point in my life when I didn't want to see any more "spiritual" things. My eye sight got better. Ok, I am NOT a doctor, so I can't give you any kind of medical answer for this, that's why I choose to live on faith. But, anyway, I stopped wearing my glasses for a while and I went to the doctor and they said that my eyes were "correcting themselves." Odd, right?
Well, I moved to good old Indiana!!!! My family started going to this amazing church and the first service I was there God spoke to me, just as if someone had come up to me and said something, I laughed it off and seriously forgot about it for about three years, until I was reminded again. But, yeah, that's a totally other story that I won't even go in to. But, anyway, that night there was another service and at the end I went up for prayer. I ended up surrendering myself back to God. Don't get me wrong, I have been a Christian since I was like five, but like I was saying before, I was holding a part of myself back from God. Then, after that night, I started to see visions and see "stuff" (I really can't think of a better way to describe it to you) and my vision started to become "unbalanced" again. You know, the odd part is I never truly thought that my "seeing in the spirit" had anything to do with the way my physical eyes kept jumping from good to bad.
So, this went on for a long time. But, I got hurt. It had to do with what I was seeing. I was having these dreams and I would witness these dreams happen in real life. I was told this was bad and so I backed away from anything "supernatural" and decided to live in the natural. I stopped having dreams and visions again and my eye sight got better.
I think about it now and it really suprises me that I couldn't understand what was going on with me. I just took it all as being normal.
But, finally, I was able to forgive and forget and I was healed from any "wounds" I had. It wasn't easy. I came to the church one day by myself and up in the prayer room I repented and asked God to open my eyes again. I also asked Him to open my ears again as well. When I cannot see "spiritually" I cannot hear as well. This time I knew I was in it for "the long haul." I asked Him to be my teacher. The first thing He did in answer to my prayer was open my ears. I heard the angels sing a song about Victory. Yeah, it flipped me out. I'm sorry, but some things I hear and see just don't get normal.
Anyway, why am I saying all of this??? Okay, because I want you to know that seeing through the spirit isn't easy. I pay a physical price for it. Don't ask me why it is that way for me, I seriously don't know. I think it has a lot to do with sacraficing the flesh in order to live by the spirit. There have been times I have completely blacked out. It may have to do with the intensity of what I was seeing, I really don't know. But, if this is my life, I am willing to live with this. I want to see and live in the spirit. I probably made it sound like a bad thing by describing what I have had to deal with, but it isn't at all. It is wonderful. Do I completely understand how it works? Heck, no! But, that's ok. I'm going after God, that's the bottom line. You know what? It's so rewarding.
Once I prayed for a lady when I was in canada. There were a bunch of people in this house church pastored by an amazing couple who truly hear from God. Down in there basement this lady wanted me to pray for her, she didn't say what for but I knew she was sick. She had cancer. I could see the tumor spiritually and I prayed for her. She was healed. It was all God. He told me what was wrong, He showed me what it was, and He just chose to use me that day. Isn't God amazing! If my eyes hadn't been opened I wouldn't have seen what was wrong in that basement in a little town in Canada.
What are you seeing through today? Just the physical eyes you were born with? You know there is more. You can receive it if you want it, but you have to ask for it. Ask God today. Don't expect to see right away. Believe me, I see little bit by little bit as time goes by. God will give you what you can handle. Do you want it?

Ephesians

(These are just some of my thoughts on the book of Ephesians.)
The epistle, or letter to the Ephesians was written by Paul at Rome, A.D. 60-64. Or was it? That is a very good, but one difficult and diverse question. The Bible states that Paul is the author, but there are several reasons why someone could have been mistaken when they wrote the author's name. The date is also very controversial in light of certain facts.
First, let us look at who the author is. There are two reasons I have found why Paul could not have been the author. The first reason is that Paul spent most of his life striving for equality for Jews and Gentiles in the church. So, if he was striving for equality, then why is this letter filled with so much about unity? Second, the letter appears to have been written by a very strict Jew, who looked at Gentiles across a huge dividing wall of hostility (2:14) and who had then been converted to Christ and become the apostle to the Gentiles. There are several different agruments people and philosophers can make on this issue, but even if it wasn't Paul, I believe he could have told someone about what he wanted to write and before he was able to, he died and the person wrote the letter for him. As to the date, who knows really, it could be as I was saying before, only God has the answer.
Another big controversy in Ephesians is to whom the letter was written. In the first chapter it says that it was to the saints who are in Ephesus and faithful in Christ Jesus. One view is since it says "faithful in Christ Jesus" that means not to a specific church but to anyone who might read it who was faithful in Christ. There could have been specific readers, even if they were readers in a number of different churches, thus posing a question as to the meaning of "Ephesus." Some believe that the letter was sent to a particular church and the address and personal greetings just happened to be omitted. This could also be said to be done on purpose so that it might have a wider audience and a more general use. So, the letter might have just ended up at Ephesus, since no one knew where to send it. The big difficulty about this agrument is that Paul's letters always have in them marks all the way through of the people of whom he addressed a situation. So, you couldn't just remove the marks of this letter's destination by just removing its greeting and address.
Another idea concerning intended recipients of this letter is that it could have possibly been sent to a number of churches in a particular area, most likely the Roman providence of Asia. There is in fact internal and external evidence which supports this view. One suggestion is that one copy of the letter was taken around to the different churches and a gap was always left in the name as it went. Another suggestion is that there were a number of copies of the letter, of which each bore a different place-name. These arguments bring everyone back to the idea that Paul did not in fact write the letter.
The main teaching in this book is on unity. Usually in Paul's letters only the unity of the local church is considered. But, in this book unity between Jews and Gentiles is approached. So, there is a wider unity than just local. Now, the main emphasis was on spiritual unity without reference to organization, while before the emphasis was on unity under a single leader, a bishop. There are other differences about unity and the difference between the ideas of unity in different books. But, I hope you have seen the idea, so I will not mention any more.
There are several special things about Ephesians. It stands out as different, since the writer does not use any other personal references, greetings, reminiscences, or messages to or from individuals such as have so large a place in the other letters which we know as Paul's, besides (3:2-13; 3:1; 4:1; 6:20). There are also no specific problems, either doctrinal or practical, that have given rise to this letter. Ephesians, in many respects, is like a sermon and in some parts, a prayer. After the initial greeting and address there is praise of God. This begins with God's eternal purpose for his people and continues in reference of adoption, revelation, and reconciliation. The work of the Father and Son is added to that of the Spirit now and as assurance of the future.
I honestly don't have a favorite part in this book, since I like what it is all saying. Since I have grown up learning and hearing about the armor of God, that would probably be the most interesting part to me. I really like the different symbols each piece stands for and it makes me think about how we, as Christians, really are like soldiers, in a spiritual sense, fighting off the attacks of the enemy, Satan, and not giving up and retreating when life gets tough. I think it is very important that we all remember what the armor stands for when those tough times come in life.
You know, it really doesn't matter in the long run who in fact wrote Ephesians. It also doesn't matter to whom it was written, since it is for everyone to read. This book has a lot of good things about it and even if it were written just to the people of Ephesus, everyone would be able to read it now. Unity is a big issue today, and if we could only learn something from this, there wouldn't be so much hate, war, and violence. Especially after 9-11, we need to seriously start trying to gain unity, especially within the church. The Word of God says that there will be a peace treaty between the nations and when that treaty is signed He will be taking us to heaven. So, I don't know if we, as Christians, shall ever see unity on earth as we know it, but peace will reside in Heaven.

All the World

Growing up, my dad was in the military, so we moved around a lot. The longest we ever lived in one place was almost 5 yrs. You can imagine how rough it is as a kid to be put into two different schools on opposite sides of the country within a single year. That is why I am so close to my family. We had each other. I can remember sharing a room with my younger brother when we were little kids. My brother always had a hard time sleeping, so, he would ask me to tell him a story or sing to him until he fell asleep. I never minded, because we were best friends, sometimes he was my only friend.
This past month, I have had a lot of time to think. I've come to realize how important my family is and how much they mean to me. The thought of losing any of them crushes me. All I pray to God lately is that my older brother and sister will serve Him fully. My heart aches for the lost, but it doesn't break as much as for my family. Every time I am downtown, I think about my sister. I see her in each girl I talk to and my heart goes out to them. I want so much to see my sister come back to God, like when she was a little girl. I don't judge people any more because when I look at them I see my siblings. I see some of the same fears, struggles, and pains. Just like my perseverance for my family, I will persevere for the lost. I won't pick and choose who to reach out to. If the Bible says to go into ALL the world, that pretty much covers it.
So, I am really just thinking out loud today. I don't even really know why I wrote all this. Well, hey, hope you are having a great day!

Humility

The streams of the humble,
Flow singing to this day,
Their course winds ever downward,
To the lowest place.

They are a source of life,
A place of unveiled strength,
Yet they envy not the mountain,
They love the lowest place.

Blue Angel

Feeling broken and alone,
All these dreams laced in stone....
Blue birds sing, I try to dance,
This, being my only chance....
Every step is traced in tears,
My heart suspended in these fears....
Sing for me, angel sweet,
Teach me how to place these feet....
All my hopes bound in this song,
Life of waiting for so long....

Secret

Weeve the story within the tide,
Beneath the rain-fall at your side,
Sheltered shadow walk me still,
Within the storm with peace you fill,
Around the steps of stones and sand,
Sudden splendour secured in hand,
Silent treasure lost and found,
Within this puzzle I am bound.

Grandma's House & Music

I was listening to music on myspace today and I came across this really old time country-gospel singer. My friends all think I hate country. Guess what?! I do! Well, except for country-gospel music. My grandmother used to play her guitar and sing to us all of the old-time gospel music and sometimes it's like I can still hear her play when I think about how happy I was when she would play and I would sit on the floor in front of her with all of my cousins. She was really good too. She used to win contests playing her guitar and harmonica and singing. I think about it and I am not a country girl, but those years sitting on my grandparents porch out in the middle of Bennington watching Chester across the street wave at every Amish and buggy that went by and gazing out at the rolling hills of farm land and trees, I felt so much peace.
As a little girl I didn't mind running around the farm with all of my cousins who just happen to be all boys. I have so many hilarious stories to tell. Once we had the grand idea of sneeking out at night and running through the muddy wet field and into the neighbors yard to steal their dog. First of all, their dog was so stinking mean I have no clue why we got the idea to steal it other than we had nothing better to do. But one of my cousins ended up getting stuck in the barbed wire fence and he ripped his shirt when we managed to get him free. We hadn't noticed that the neighbor's dog wasn't on its usual lease. We ran so fast back to my grandparents house screaming. We woke up the entire house and we got into so much trouble walking into the house covered in mud with our clothes ruined. Our punishment was that we had to stack and cut wood the whole next day. The worst part was being made to gather the eggs from the chicken coop. I always wanted to cry because the rooster was out to kill me. The chickens weren't scary, but that rooster was of the Devil.
The few months when my family lived in my grandparents house, I will never forget. We were soooooo bored. We all thought that the tiny pentecostal church was haunted, so we would all sneak over to it and dare one another to go and stand down in the basement. Once, we all went down together and the lights whent out. We ran out of that church like someone was out to kill us. The neighbors all on that street just watched us from their porches and laughed.
Once, my cousins somehow got a hold of a bb gun. They decided it would be cool to play target practice with cans. They got bored of that and started shooting the barn. Let's just say one "bounced." WOW, they got so much in trouble and I just laughed!!!
There was this one night when my uncle and granparents told us all these stories about Bigfoot. We all went to bed trying to be cool but we all could barely sleep that night and we kept whispering to each other across the room "do you think there really is a Bigfoot?" That next morning we went on a walk back on this old road in the woods with my dad and we stood really close together and didn't say a word. We kept looking up into the wooded hills. Everytime we heard a branch break one of us would ask "did you here that?" followed by lots of "yeah, yeah, I heard it, did you?" When reached an old barn way back in the woods, my dad decided he wanted to go look at it, so we all followed. We all weren't paying attention where we were going and one of my cousins flipped over a small board that was on the ground when he walked over it. I stepped on it and this strange feeling went through my foot. I went to take a step and the board went with me. My dad noticed first and told me to stop moving. I looked down and a nail was sticking out the top of my shoe. He had to pull the nail and board out. It seriously didn't hurt at all, but I thought I was going to pass out I felt so sick. My cousins started to all flip out and my dad picked me up and started carrying me. we stopped after just a few minutes and he took off my shoe and yeah, I won't go into details. But, my cousins' faces all went white and one of them leans over to me and goes "Bigfoot smells blood." I started crying! My dad knew he couldn't carry me all the way home so, Josh, Matt, and Mark all ran to my grandparents house and brought back my grandpa with the truck. The whole time all we could think about was that Bigfoot was out there. :)

Strength

This has been one of the hardest weeks I have been through in a long time. Part of me just wants to scream I am so angry at the Devil, because he has been attacking my family so much. The other part of me wants to cry. But, no matter what, I will worship God. He is so faithful. In the midst of all this junk happening I know He is in control and He hasn't left. When I allow myself to sit down and focus on all the circumstances I can feel my heart breaking, but I know that I can't sit and dwell on it. The joy of the LORD is most definitely where I find my strength. I know God is trying to speak to me through all of this. I would have never asked to learn anything through a lesson this heartbreaking, though, but God has never failed me. All I can do is pray and fast.
As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms. Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath held me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip. (Psalm 18:30-36)

The Liquid Sun

THE LIQUID SUN

Silent chorus keep your pace,

Run across the shadows,

Undo this disgrace,

Where are you keeping,

Hiding behind the door,

Unlock the promised secrets,

Reveal the sudden snow,

Fall down upon my face now,

All around you do surround,

First my heart is beating,

Beneath the depths unknown,

Quiet now the angels,

Watch in holy revelation,

Glory is resounding,

Heaven is now opened,

Watch the liquid sun begin its flow.